Wars and Windmills

11 February 2006

Lights and Spikes

a question old as middle-earth:

who would win if a dolphin grappled a unicorn? what beast would triumph if the peaceful passing of two magnificent creatures under a rainbow was brought to fisticuffs?

it seems that the lopsidedness of this battle is obvious and highly inappropriate. a mystical, and in all probability, magic filled golden horn against a mere blow-hole...sad really. however, give the dolphin a set of lights (lights that may or may not flash in distracting patterns) and a set of fin spikes and what would normally be a boring melee, just got interesting.

next up...bee-vs-dolphin

02 February 2006


i miss my beard. or face merkin as young joneseph would poetically call it. currently my boss feels they are not becoming of a server of steaks...as though it is a prestigious position, because the thing is, it's not. that's the thing.

i miss the joy of saturday morning cartoons. i have not felt in my adult life the equivalent elation that accompanies awaking at dawns ass-crack and waiting for voltron, he-man, thundercats...et al. the simplicity of the life is what rings true now. the main decisions of a saturday morn were which show to watch, smurfs or gi-joe (which were on at the same time), or train with jack in karate instead of watch cartoons (which, honestly was no real decision in the any definition of the word).

i miss the hedonism of my teens. but as a wise man once said: "I am tired of hoping for the next best thing. It is like the paradox of hedonism: when you not looking for a good time, it seeks you out like a badger and bites your ass in the night." too true, pal.

i miss the time when common sense was common...take that as you will. it seems however, that i am becoming more and more surrounded by dumb people. now, i am by no means the sharpest knife, or brightest bulb, or whatever metaphor you choose (as matt, mark or joe can attest), and maybe it is just my lot in life to attract these yahoos, or it maybe outback's new policy of "hire only the slow ones" but when a server comes running to the kitchen frantic about how long his table 13 has waited for their food, only to find out they were half way through the meal he just forgot to check at the table, i stop and think and try not to swear, due to the family environment...a battle constantly lost. or when a patron orders cheese fries and soup then complains that her soup is cold and tastes funny when no actual soup has been delivered to the table, she ate the ranch dressing that comes with the cheese fries, i feel like kicking my own crotch. oh people.
well, that is not all i miss...not all at all.

i have no idea how to end this so here is a quote: “The optimist builds himself safe inside a cell and paints the inside walls sky-blue and blocks up the door and says he’s in heaven”
--D. H. Lawrence