Wars and Windmills

29 January 2007

Unwilling Hunter

This something I drew for Dan, and he was kind enough to scan it and send it back to me. I enjoy drawing from time to time to pass time, time after time, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme...even though I am by no means an artist.

On another note, I killed a deer on Saturday.

Now, I have friends who hunt. They dress in full camo and sit for hours in muted patience only to be thwarted by a change of wind, or a snapping of a twig, and the would be prey gracefully bounds off never to be seen again. That is if the hunters were lucky to see a deer at all.

I, on the other hand, unwillingly used a different technique; I opted for a loud, bright, and fast, weapon that apparently lures the hapless animal directly into its oncoming path. I can not comprehend how such a wily creature, one that can easily evade my friends, will with no warning jump in front of a moving car. And, nonetheless, a car that was alone on the road, no one for miles in front or behind. But at the exact moment that we pass it the deer bounds to its doom.

The beast had its revenge however--it rendered my car un-drivable. I realized this as all the engine fluids spilled out on the road and steam was spewing forth like an angry volcano blocking all from view. I pulled to the shoulder and there we sat, dear meat and fur in the grill, freezing cold and shaking from the recent adrenal workout we just went through as we waited for a highway patrol man and tow truck driver Woodie to come to our rescue.

It was a very surreal evening.

So, if we can learn nothing else from these dealings, we can see that I have the worst luck known to man, and that killing deer doesn’t need to be as difficult as one might think. Just think: loud, fast, bright, and dent-proof…but you don’t have to take my word for it! Ba Dum Dum!


  1. "Oh yeah, I killed one with a VAN, going 65 miles an hour with the lights flashin and the horn blowin.
    -ron white responding to his cousins description of his recent kill with top-o-the-line hunting gear.

  2. please tell me that it was one more with the VW!!

  3. oh yes it was another VW crash, that poor machine.

  4. I feel for you. The last things anyone needs: a destroyed car and spoiled venison.

    Stay mega, soldier.

  5. I think you should go on a senseless killing spree of deer and Germans. Why? Because they're working together!
    The deer jumps in front of your car just as the German auto industry takes a dive? Coincidence, schmincidence. (that's very hard to say, by the way)
    And you should probably kick half of my ass cuz I'm half German! Or maybe my Irish side will do it for you. Us MicKrauts aren't innocent, don't leave us out of your righteous judgment.

  6. Oh, I can't prove the German auto industry took a dive. But what are facts compared with good ol' instinct?

  7. This is the non-fiction I'm talking about. You should write more of it.

  8. I like Reading Rainbow

  9. kelly mc2:55 PM

    was the tow truck driver's name really woody?
    i am glad you all are alright.
    you really might be on to something. why haven't hunters figured out to wear a blinding headlight on their chest?
    pure genius.
    ps- i am sadly about to close the last chapter of east of eden and i'm forcing myself to slow the read and savor it. please please read this book, i need someone to talk about it to.

  10. honesty, his name was Woodie.

    For you Kelly I will start reading it today...well as soon as i get it.

  11. So Darren, not because I played it a whole bunch after I found the link on your blog but what's your highest score on Tower Defence?

    My nerdy friend wants to know. Who is not me. Did I make that clear?

  12. james, tell your nerdy pal whom i will also call james, that i can't get higher than 86

  13. but how far can you smack the penguin? and also, how not far? and furtherly, how far without skipping him along the icy ground?

    These questions, from those sepia-toned days of 2002, must be answered.

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  15. Joe, all I know is I hit it further, shorter, loftier than thou didst.

    and, gross Nate.

  16. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1nYyVzJQ2o

    You killed this guy you gay commie.

  17. 86?? Holy hell! I can't get past 70. Said my nerd friend to me. Your strategy is wholly superior to his. He is sure sucking it up.

    What's your secret?