Wars and Windmills

16 March 2007

Impale Evil Things

"Safety is Not Guaranteed" is still the greatest thing I have seen, but this is a close, and is easily the SECOND GREATEST THING I HAVE BEHELD IN MY LIFE.

And another random gem unearthed through web perusal or web surfing as the youngsters call it:

Four(there were actually 30 or more) Cosby-esque bejeweled sweaters, one pair of gilded pants, one snarky facial expression, and unlimited sass...beware all you crafty folk...Kelly...here is your competition:

On another note, please make no mistake, the little treasures below are for real. I didn't believe it, but then I examined a little further and it is true, we can expect to see them soon at our local post offices due to the thirtieth anniversary of the films. What I can't wait for is all the news stories about uber-nerds (not unlike myself) risking jail or fine just to steal every last one of them. I give each one box two weeks...then they'll have mysteriously wandered off in the middle of the night, perhaps looking for Obi-wan.

This thirtieth anniversary brings to mind the sad inevitability of yet another release of of a Star Wars digital video disk (here after referred to as DVD) set, in which Mr. Lucas, the evil marketing genius that he is, will once again rape the die hard Star Wars fan of yet another 30-40 dollars. I bought the DVD set when it first came out a few years ago, but was, and have been feverish with the gross "re-mastering" that had taken place. To further the symptoms, I got clammy palms and an achy head when he announced the altered versions were his definitive editions. It seemed that the original theatrical releases from the sepia of my youth were gone, never to resurface.

So, you can imagine my elation when I heard the trickster was releasing the original theatrical versions onto DVD (note however, that they are listed only as a special feature). Even though I was forced to spend another 40-dollars on DVDs that I already owned, it was well worth it because now I can revisit the glory of these films through the eyes of my childhood without the many bastardizations that were like little daggers in my eyes.

It is a brilliant marketing scheme, a "well played sir" and a butt slap are due to George. But for a fan, it is painful and oft times quite hurtful to my wallet...but mostly my feelings. The new set will probably be packaged super fancy with a Darth Vader mask box that opens from the top like it does in the movies. It will probably be all six movies together. It will probably have a real light-saber for the first hundred nerds who buy it. It will probably be in HD. And, as though it were using a Jedi mind trick on me, it will probably be purchased by me. I am weak minded.

This was kind of a hodge-podge of non sequitur thoughts followed by one of the nerdiest rants you may ever read. And to keep up with that motif of randomness, here is something else that made me cringe...I call it Madonna On The Rocks:

"I want to be like Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, and John Lennon... but I want to stay alive."--Madonna

um...?...hmmmm?.....ah....ummmm?...well....okaaaay...? Rant on, I am going to bed.


  1. Mr. Lucas and his snake oil salesmanship are legendary.

    I also shelled out the extra just to rid myself of the risickulous CGI, and all the other molestations that George thought fitting.

    As for Madonna...well. I can see the comparison. Ghandi did often don a cone-shaped bra on stage, and for a time was referred to as the 'material girl'.

  2. i am glad you splurged Joe...it is an investment that has already paid many returns.

    and didn't Lennon make-out with both Brittney and X-tina on stage?

  3. Yes, good hound.

    And Jesus, in his day, was also known to "strike a pose."

  4. I wonder what Val will think when she comes home to one of those mailboxes in our bedroom.

    Probably: "Oh James, how awfully convenient that we don't have to walk all the way to post office now! I've always known you were the smart one. Bravo! Bravo indeed!"

  5. James, your wife can see genius, and convenience when it presents itself far easier then the normal man can, a quality I have oft admired in her.

    That ability isn't the mutant power I would have asked for...but cool nonetheless.

  6. kelly mccaleb10:44 PM

    excellent post sir (give yourself a butt slap).

  7. I already bought the B'dazzled sweaters, but I am wondering where on earth I might be able to find those flashy gold spandex pants.

  8. My sister just told me she has seen a R2D2-mailbox...let the anarchy begin

  9. Shell...

    If you truly seek a place where gilded pants abound and shine in unfettered glory, look no further than Lindsey's closet, where she hoards too many pairs to count and all are as shimmery gold as one can dream...and a few in platinum.


  10. Valerie don't typically don't agree on superpowers. She wants powers where she can do secrety things like be invisible and listen to thoughts. I want to turn into goo or sand and be able to smash things with wild abandon and no pain.

  11. Hey, hey, hey, I do NOT own those pants.

    I had that fabric made into a skirt.

  12. That's so funny Lindsey, because I too had those gold pants; but then I asked myself, "Am I staying current?"
    The answer was no, so I had them made into shorts.

  13. Darren,

    I think it's great you have become a blogger. It is equally satisfying to know that so is this guy.


    I'm pretty sure I saw him at one of your dad's seminars.

  14. Matt,

    To be known as "The Tron Guy" is a paradigm of the "power of desire", I'd recognize Jack's influence anywhere. Good-eye Matt. To which my dad would (and has) reply: "What are you Australian?"

    O Jack.

    That is a fine gem that you have unearthed...it made me laugh aloud, honestly, that isn't something I would put past Tommy doing when he is hitting a midlife crisis.

  15. This is a paragon of manhood I unearthed long ago. I'm sorry I never shared, Darren.

    Hey, did you know that the Gem Sweater Girl has music videos? The internet has its own stars.

  16. James, you have got to share that stuff with me...in both cases. I had no idea. i found those pictures about a year ago, and never saw them since...i love the internet for making her a star. do you have a link to the video?

  17. Hey, I put that link on my page. Enjoy. It might change your view of her a little.