Wars and Windmills

21 May 2007

Sagacious?

I am very cognizant of my almost preternatural inability to avoid the steady gaze of Murphy and his damnable Law. However, because of this knowledge I have developed over the years a kind of foresight, or spider sense that keeps relatively me safe. It's not strong enough to garner a call from the X-Men or anything, but it has served me well thus far.

Perhaps a example of my ability would be appropriate.

Some friends and I were caravaning to Vegas. I was following and pulled up behind him, in his rear wheel drive truck, in a right turning lane. I knew when he realized he was turning at the wrong street and would therefore need to go straight, that something bad was about to happen, and only to me. I knew it, and even said something. Everyone in the car laughed. They laughed even harder when the rock flew up from his rear wheel and put a massive crack in my windshield. I knew.

Welcome to the quagmire that I am treading, and often drowning, in.

I try and learn from these experiences and avoid situations that could easily allow the villainous gremlins, ones that I apparently fed after midnight, to do me harm. Now, having said that, I have felt for a long time that motorized recreational vehicles should be avoided at all costs. The reasons should be quite evident at this point. Those vehicles offer nothing a seething chasm of pain and decapitation, riddled with angry anti-Darrens awaiting their chance to join the fray. And it all is so very easily avoidable. Therefore, due to a strict avoidance policy, I have eluded serious bodily harm for quite some time. I have, however, had to face looking like the girliest of the brother-in-laws when I adamantly declined a quad spin around in the forest. Though the idea did sound fun, I knew I would hit some invisible log and destroy my face.

Despite all this, I have purchased myself a scooter. Huzzah.

16 comments:

  1. Maybe if you bought a helmet you would keep the anti-Darrens at bay...Just a thought

    --The Wife

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  2. well darren's face, it's been nice knowing you.

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  3. I am speechless...and that doesn't happen often...as you know!

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  4. I know a dirty joke about your new ride, but I wouldn't post such a thing on the web. Maybe we can get together over Thanksgiving.

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  5. Helmets are good my friend. Listen to the wisdom of thy beloved.

    Oh, and welcome to the world of the motorsickle. Be warned, it is more addicting than heroine.

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  6. Oh Darren, I just about peed my pants laughing at this! You are so not the girliest of BIL's, but you should get a helmet to protect that face! :) Love the scooter and I predict that it will lead to bigger, 4-wheeled rides soon! Baby steps!

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  7. "you know what the worst part about being smart is? i pretty much always know what's gonna happen"
    -billy bob in bandits.

    true. so true.

    and i love the pic

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  8. your new, two-wheeled deer magnet.

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  9. We happened to see him drive by the day he drove off the lot - and his mother said "I think that was Darren!" We didn't believe her, but flipped around anyways, then stealthily followed him for some time...full of agog and incredulity. It was a fun game.

    Though I will say - if one could *saunter* while driving, that would describe how he looked as he putted around the town.

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  10. Anonymous1:35 PM

    Darren-

    Do you have any hot single friends with bikes? Helmets are cool but so are scars.

    --Habs

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  11. Habs:

    I do his name is Tommy.

    Hot. Single. Scooter Owner. World's Smartest Genius.

    These are all titles he currently holds.

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  12. Okay...now that I am over my speechlessness...and in all seriousness...if you won't wear a helmet...please, I beg of you...make sure your wife does wear one! Your face is okay...but her's, my friend, is beloved!

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  13. I second Marilyn's opinion. I think we should put a helmet on Lu and harness her to a jungle gym.

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  14. Darren,

    Lindsay does have a timeless face that you should keep from street sandpaper but Darren I always thought a disfiguring scar on your sweet mug would be pretty badass. Maybe not Joker style but something a la pirate edge of eye to corner of mouth slash. Of course, you would have to find some muscles to match. Not easily done for you my friend.

    M.U.S.C.L.E,
    James

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  15. And now I spelled her name wrong, undermining everything.

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