Wars and Windmills

25 June 2007

I Made A Pilgrimage to Save This Human's Race

"Don’t worry, it’s Robert Smith from the Cure....he’ll get me there in no time".

That is the only line I remember from the dream that completely robbed me from deep, restless, sleep last night. As though Robert Smith and punctuality were one and the same.

The actual plot of the dream is hazy. However, I do remember that the world was in peril and needed to saved by me. I also remember the most psychedelic part, aside from when I could sling web from my wrists, was the pending world devastation took place at the same time...throughout time. Not only was my ass-kicking prowess put to the test, but my time traveling abilities. Very similar to Quantum Leap but with a slice of X-Men and a quaff from the A-Team.

Dreams like this cause reflection. I wonder why I was born without the ability to shoot webs from my wrists. I then instantly wondered if I could choose, is that the super power I would want? I don’t think I will ever be able to truthfully answer that most elusive of questions. I wonder if my mutant powers lay dormant and I am merely a late bloomer (as evident from my size 8 feet).

Mostly I wonder if my world were in the grips of a mad man, what I would do.

I would like to think that my steed and sidekick and sidecar and utility belt and costume and canned grin and lightsaber and kung fu grip and steel jaw, were all ready for even the slightest altercation. But reality and honesty dictate that all I actually have at hand are soft muscles, a smarmy grin, and a sardonic personality. With this meager skill set all I am qualified for is slinging biting words that may or may not have the attacker feeling dumb enough about himself to abort his quest for filthy lucre.

"Mother of pearl handled pistol huh? ....Too bad you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day".

That doesn't even make sense. It wouldn't do much.

I am not asking for an apocalyptic event, or even a slight scuffle, I just wonder what would happen to me when placed in a situation like those. All my favorite books and movies feature predominately the archetypal hero's quest. This idea makes me start to wonder again: is a quest necessary to act heroic, or to merely be a hero? Is Robert Smith, in his streamlined convertible Rabbit of Justice transporting me to my destination in 1959 because he recognized a need and jumped to fill it....and because his car is ideally suited for the adventure...or is it because he has been through the proverbial ringer and was baptized in the waters of hard core bad-assness?

I think I might just roll my eyes and roll over. I want to think that I would rise up to thwart injustice. I may never know...and that is probably a good thing.


  1. "Never comprehending the race had long gone by..."

    I know I constantly reference our trip, but in Brussles you were on the verge of breaking me in half and scatttering me to the four winds, and I am twice your size.

    If it comes down to it, you are a fearsome dynamo. Like "Usul no longer needs the weirding module" fierce (someone please mock me).

  2. perhaps you will one day sling webs from the mis-placed mole.

  3. This is odd. I don't if you know this, but around the office we call you "The Sickle."

    So, my captain, there are a few of us who have found the hero in you already. Perhaps it is your journey to do the same.

    Another way to feel like a hero is to tape your secret hero nickname to the back of your office chair.

  4. Thanks for catching the lyrical reference Joe. I laughed aloud at the Dune quote, nice touch.

    But, perhaps you remember Brussels wrong.

    As i recall, it was you who was fed up with the ineptitude of your compatriot's train navigation skills. I felt, rightfully, stupid, and took it out on you. You were rightfully right and were merely fed up with a traveling with a maniac hot on your heels. Over all...two blowups in one month with as volatile a temperament we both can have, not bad....impressive actually. God Bless food.

    Nate: I already can, it's swinging from it that is the difficult part.

    G: You will ever be Muad'dib to me.

  5. ibid, as far as I'm concerned, man....you're so superhuman I always assumed you'd BLEED GREEN. Or BLEED....WEB..bing....webbing material.

    but everybody knows that to read people's minds is where the real dice rolls. Or the power to move things with your mind. One time our friend Joe and I were both staring at the same bag of licorice on a table about four feet away and I MOVED THE BAG WITH MY MIND.......not too much, just a small bend of plastic print, but.....I think I can someday harness this power to battle evil.

    So just keep dreaming, Darren. Keep testing your wrists in vacant alleyways and from below tall buildings. "The future's open wide......."