Wars and Windmills

19 July 2007

Weary Memory

Sam Beam is looking more like Jesus then I ever expected him to.

With a new album due out at the end of September, I thought I would pay a quick homage to Mr. Beam in the form of a true tale entitled: When I Met Sam Beam and His Sister; or Darren Goes to a Show.

Fact. I attended a concert at Kilby Court in SLC in the year of our Lord 2002 where Iron & Wine was the headliner. Remember this nougat of information: beforehand, I ate at Beto's. A terrible choice.

Due to the size of the venue and the relative obscurity of Mr. Beam at that time I was able to get right up next to the stage and stood in front of his sister, Sarah. Remember this also: The stage at Kilby is only a foot and a half at most, so she was within a few feet of me. After a few of the songs we bantered back and forth a bit; one instance in particular is distinctive in my memory. She played an instrument, of which the name escapes me but it required her to drag a stick over ridges of a hollowed out piece of wood. It was one of those instruments that in 3rd grade if you couldn't master the recorder you are given it to play so you could still participate. After the song I said: "Impressive", and she smiled and said: "I know, I have practiced for years". "It shows", I responded. As these words escaped my mouth the Beto's grilled chicken burrito I inhaled prior to the concert decided to join our conversation; a Beto's burp was born. I was stymied as to what to do at that point. Do I say excuse me and admit that the waft came from me even though there was no doubt of it? Hell no. My only prayer was that, as it was quite silent and seeped out with the word "shows", she didn't hear it.

She didn't.

At this point the world became slow. I saw her nose slowly crinkle, her eyes squint in disgust, and her hand instinctively raise to her face to frantically mount a defensive attack. She hadn't hear it, but she did smell it. Dammit. Dammit all. Her reaction was quite normal, actually down played from what I would have done to such a vicious olfactory assault. All she said as she looked at me was: "Nasty". I didn't have the wits to apologize, but merely to blame the burrito. Giving a face to the smell probably wasn't the best move as it probably made the smell more violent, but that is all I thought to do.

At the close of the show I was laughing a bit to myself because something like that would happen to me. Mostly I felt like a cad. As we left we saw Sam sitting behind his van. I followed my friends up to him and shook his hand while lauding his show. I contemplated apologizing for burping on his sister, but as I didn't know his demeanor and didn't feel like risking a southern style beat down from someone I admired I decided against. He looked rather spry, so I slowly backed away careful to not turn my back on him just in case he already knew and was merely tempering himself until my back was to him.

Sub pop released the single take a gander:
Boy With a Coin


  1. you burped on her. this is your best story so far. hilarious, just hilarious.

  2. Darren,

    Go to my Youaintnopiccasso link on my page and check out Sam doing a No Surprises cover. It's hard to hear but awesome. I hope there will be a recording forthcoming.

  3. I have witnessed such brutish behavior first hand. You seem to have a talent for this my friend.

  4. Me too g-man...me too.

  5. This is hands down the awesomest thing I've ever read. Burp on, crazy diamond.

  6. where was I during this grotesquery?

  7. Hey, Darren, remember when we ran into each other at the 2005 concert in SLC? You were a sight for sore eyes, however brief it was.

  8. ewww, stinky sleepy boy

  9. That's hilarious! How did you keep that little story to yourself - Scott and I were upfront next to you for that show! Luckily, we were out of range.

  10. wow darren! I too remember that night, and am eternally grateful to the air-conditioning-wind-current powers that be that saw fit to spare me, and to not mar an otherwise wonderfully intimate small venue show with the wafting scent of your expired burrito.

  11. Joe: you were there, you were standing with Zollinger further back. i thought it was with you that we approached Mr. Beam and exchanged pleasantries.

    Scott & Melissa: I could have sworn we had discussed this already. Scott, you did smell it and we had a good laugh...mostly because it was all we could do not to cry.

    Em: I had forgotten about that. Good times, thanks for reminding me.