Wars and Windmills

03 December 2007

Something I Hate...10

I hate beaded doorways.

Unless you're trying to ninja proof a room, make traversing through your home a gauntlet of tentacles that leech onto any loose part of clothing and cling there forcing you to abruptly stop mid stride, or a hippie, these are utterly pointless.

There is no normal walk that will get you through one either. A body coming through these beads is forced to duck down and plow through head first, which is reminiscent of the birthing process; no one I know wants to see a grown man be born through a bead womb. And, good luck if you have your hands full. Walking into a room ass first, I am sure in some in cultures is acceptable, but that isn't a nicety that I know of. Seeing a butt, no matter how large or skinny it is, breach through the beads first like the back of two parallel whales breaking the water's surface, is uncouth.


  1. hey, do you remember my faux beaded doorway made of ace ventura film strip?

  2. C'mon, where's your inner hippie?

  3. I prefer to think that walking through a beaded doorway is akin to rebirth. I see now that this sort of symbolism is lost on you.

    When I walk through my Jimi Hendrix beaded doorway to my smoking accessories and pipe art room; I become a different person.

    So full of hate....I pity you.

  4. Just keep out of head shops, amigo. There you will not only find beaded doorways, but trash instruments.

    and i think beaded doors are okay for genuine gypsies, fortunetellers, and their soothsaying ilk.

  5. I had some friends that had beaded doorways throughout their entire apartment. I often wondered what hazards awaited them should they venture through their domicile without clothes. Scary!

  6. this was posted so long ago that you will likely never read this response, but i must give it.

    there is one beaded doorway that somehow defies classlessness. it's at the blue iguana in slc and it's a picture of frida khalo. classic. i swear.