Wars and Windmills

04 December 2007

Something I Hate...11

I hate the face people make whilst trying not to show they are yawning.

I could find no documented evidence to demonstrate what this looks like, but it is real and ungodly. I saw it on a man I admired greatly; he studied at Oxford, understood the thoughts of Søren Kierkegaard, David Hume, Immanuel Kant, and other great minds with the greatest of ease, he admired Steely Dan, he would eschew responsibility for a time to read Walden as a boy, but even he looked foolish trying to conceal his yawn during a particularly horrid oral report on ethics.

I know you have all seen it. The face contorts to a aberrant look with nostrils at full flare red from the strain, eyes watering but not spilling over while the eyelids struggle, blinking at almost Mach speed in attempts to stay open. The mouth, oh the poor mouth, it's stretched like a piece of plastic wrap over too many left-overs trying beyond hope to keep the black of the cavern behind from seeing light.

Of course this is an exercise in futility. You're not really fooling anyone as you sit in that boring meeting and your boss is looking right at you when you feel the desire to yawn hit. "Mustn't let mouth open...must fight urge...must prevail above desire for more oxygen...". Silly.

It begs the question: What is worse, a yawn, or the freakish face made while trying to masquerade that you're not yawning?


  1. Was this directed at me? Your posts are making me really self conscious. I do this sometimes.

    Really, are you singling me out?

  2. you are getting fairly narrow with your hatred. couldn't you have addressed big things like standardized testing, cystic fibrosis, Nickleback, etc., before getting all over "the yawn supressing face.." ?

  3. There is a reason for the suppressed face. It is not that you are trying to fool everyone around you. I believe people hide or attempt to hide the yawn for the following reasons:

    1. You don't want the yawn to spread
    2. You don't want the attention from the group of people you are with
    3. You are trying to avoid the annoying "didn't get enough sleep?" question.

    I'm with Grifter. I want some more broad based topics of hatred, such as Nickelback. That's a campaign we can all stand behind. Nevertheless, your writings are a daily treat. Keep up the good work.

  4. To hide is, by definition, to fool.

    I am not petitioning to banish the suppressing-yawn face, I have been guilty of it...however, I still hate it.

  5. Dude. I just read the list from the beginning and it was a fine experience. Resist the temptation to yield to your well-meaning but misguided naysayers who want to pilot your ship into "grand" waters. It will be notably less cool, when reading your next post entitled "I hate badness."

  6. Thank you Stubb. I was tempted, in a kind of have-at-ye, to write such a post, but decided against it. I appreciate your encouragement.

  7. Booooooo, Watson. I'll misguide something in your direction...