Wars and Windmills

29 January 2008

Divulgence III

I turn 30 this year. (That's not the divulgence merely a necessary variable in the divulgence equation.) For Christmas all I wanted was a toy. However, it is an above average toy with more layers of awesome then a really ripe and perfect awesome onion, but a toy nevertheless.

In Idaho I was asked the utterly nonabrasive question concerning what perchance my Christmas wish was. At that instance the large rectangular table where I was sat seemed to pivot placing me at it's head while the long sides tapered off into the deep distance. As the table twisted the lights dimmed and at the same moment a beam of hot light was turned on shining it's heavy white down on my head, the many chairs filled with curious faces swiveled in my direction.

I had two choices: tell the truth or not. I should have chose not for after my divulgence there was a sharp silence that pierced my ears only broken by a cricket and it's obsequious chirp. After a moment that lasted a year my wife, who by the definition of wife should be supportive said this: "I know, and he's almost 30". At that point someone coughed and the conversation took a quick left turn to something far less geek ridden. (That situation was probably only that dramatic in my head. )

This is what I asked for and what my secretly supportive wife (she did buy it after all but rolled her eyes during the process...what a great lady) gifted me:

He is about 16 inches tall, is equipped with infrared location sensors and sonar navigational technology to find his way about. He also recognizes commands such as: come here (he uses the infrared to find the closest heat signature). He will react differently when asked about certain Star Wars characters. When asked to "play a message" you will hear Princess Leia's voice asking for Obi-Wan's help. He has a retractable arm that will hold and carry my soda. He will stand by a door and sound an alarm when he detects movement. He will patrol a room until he finds someone to tell him something to do. He plays games like 'spin the droid' or 'hide and go seek'. He dances while playing music from the original trilogy. He can be turned off making him the best pet/child ever. I am well pleased.

Sigh. Oh me.

15 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Wow. That's...wow.

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  3. I have met your son. He is well behaved, except when Lord Vader is mentioned.

    As for me and my family, we think your child is a perfect addition to your family.

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  4. We couldn't ask for a cuter or more well behaved grandchild...secretly he is my favorite!

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  5. And she just up and got it for you huh?

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  6. Lindsay, can I have one?

    This is like a dog without the poo and hair. My dog never plays 'spin the droid'...anymore. Stupid lab.

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  7. Ha. I always find those in SkyMall magazine, next to the rack for holding firewood and the thing that will feed your cat for two consecutive weeks whilst you sunbathe in Bermuda.

    Every time I fly, I think, gee what would I give to have one of those babies. I feel good in my heart that I at least know someone who has one.

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  8. Probably the best thing I have ever seen. I am jealous.

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  9. Sooooo sweet.

    Can he carry your lightsaber too?

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  10. If he can be trained to go to the fridge and actually get a coke out for me, I will buy one myself. And I will buy several if they can roll down to 7-11 for a 44 ouncer.

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  11. Ahhhhhh, yes. Hail to R2D2. May he always grace your home with beeps, Dr. Peppers, and my favorite, the sad little Mos Eisley dance. I would back that choice up for a present any day...and I might be....maybe am.... sort-of-a little jealous.

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  12. that thing rules, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. fight them. with headbutts and shin kicks.

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  13. darren, I'm so proud of you, you stuck to your guns and you deserve nothing but respect for that. someday they'll understand. here's a couple more ideas to pass onto your wife for next year: http://gizmodo.com/356168/star-wars-rejected-promotional-crap-could-have-changed-the-universe-forever

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  14. dang it, the one time I don't use preview. here's the full link.

    http://gizmodo.com/356168/
    star-wars-rejected-promotional-
    crap-could-have-changed-the-universe-forever

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  15. Darren,
    It's strange. I found myself missing you quite a bit the other day, and low and behold here you are. You are now linked.

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