Wars and Windmills

07 January 2012

Divulgence VII: Things that give me anxiety (a non-exhaustive list)

  • Commercials about people with IRS debt even though I have never had IRS debt
  • Star Wars 3D
  • Opening the mail
  • Sitting with my back to an open room
  • Twitter
  • Rich people
  • Waiting for wellsfargo.com to load
  • The slurping sound my straw makes indicating that my soda has run out
  • Looking at my moles
  • Movies about a strange and rare disease that I will most definitely not be one of the few immune to
  • Driving at night
  • A new semester
  • The exact moment when my teacher hands back a graded paper
  • Hearing noises when I drive my car
  • Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
  • Missing my exit
  • Missing calls from unknown numbers
  • Voicemails
  • The idea of having to work for a Chinese factory in the future when America dies
  • Sad looking senior citizens
  • Not arriving at least 30 minutes early to a movie
  • Not sitting in the back row of a movie theater
  • Prog rock...I know I should like it, but I just can't
  • Small talk
  • Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me
  • Talking between stalls in public restrooms
  • Self-checkout lanes
  • The weight of my keys
  • The child size hand print on my plasma TV
  • Low batteries
  • George Lucas


  1. it looks like we have quite a few things in common, sir.
    but man, the straw slurping and missing my exit? i got anxious just reading those.

  2. Yeah, Rich People make me nervous, too. I don't know why. I just feel like there's some basic level we can't communicate on. And I feel bad that eventually I'll have to French Revolution on their ass and slice off their head with a laser guillotine.

    I don't really have many anxieties besides cows and horses and sharp knives.

    Diseases, eh? Do not watch Contagion.

  3. Watched it, James. That is when the anxiety started.

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  4. Loved this post. Especially numbers 2 and 4. Also, you should never do this: When I was pregnant (I'm not referring to pregnancy, you can do that if you want to), David got me an appointment for an hour-long session in a sensory-deprivation tank. It was supposed to make my back feel better (which it did), but it also made me freak out.

    Actually, you should do it. It is a great test of the mind. I literally had to talk myself out of thinking there were sharks in there with me, floating there in the dark like I was.

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  6. This post has pulled me out of my self-imposed exile to scold you a bit about the prog rock anxiety. It is precisely because you don't listen that you feel this anxiety. NOT the other way 'round.

    The rich people make me feel anxiety and fury. Dripping with insincerity the lot of 'em.

  7. such long list...I recommend you to go for psychological treatment..I think my comment also give you anxiety..