Wars and Windmills

Listen to The Shins New Song

2012-01-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

I am excited. For those of you that haven't heard the new single from the Shins, steer on over to this "Simple Song" minisite to take a gander. The HTML5 reel-to-reel player is actually a super impressive heap of code. The volume knob works, the meters jump with the music, and the tape reels transfer sides as the song progresses.

This is a good track, not stellar, but a strong showing. It is missing the depth and bliss of say "New Slang", or "Celibate Life". Still, I am excited for the new album because if it is anything like the following gems, we are in for treats.

New Slang

Celibate Life

Pink Bullets

So Says I

Kissing the Lipless

Divulgence VII: Things that give me anxiety (a non-exhaustive list)

2012-01-07T01:21:00.004-07:00

Commercials about people with IRS debt even though I have never had IRS debt
Star Wars 3D
Opening the mail
Sitting with my back to an open room
Twitter
Rich people
Waiting for wellsfargo.com to load
The slurping sound my straw makes indicating that my soda has run out
Looking at my moles
Movies about a strange and rare disease that I will most definitely not be one of the few immune to
Driving at night
A new semester
The exact moment when my teacher hands back a graded paper
Hearing noises when I drive my car
Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
Missing my exit
Missing calls from unknown numbers
Voicemails
The idea of having to work for a Chinese factory in the future when America dies
Sad looking senior citizens
Not arriving at least 30 minutes early to a movie
Not sitting in the back row of a movie theater
Prog rock...I know I should like it, but I just can't
Small talk
Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me
Talking between stalls in public restrooms
Self-checkout lanes
The weight of my keys
The child size hand print on my plasma TV
Low batteries
George Lucas

Sigh and a Stream of Consciousness

2011-09-01T20:26:00.003-06:00

I think if George Lucas really appreciated me and the bazillion others that gave him all his money, he would have put the original theatrical releases with the Blu-ray discs. I wonder why he pretends that the originals don't even exist? I have pled (and will continue to plead) with the nerd gods that George will one day at least acknowledge that there are those that want quality versions of the originals, that there are those that love what he created but hate he is currently doing. The argument that they are his creations and can therefore do what he pleases with them is the most infuriating of all of those championing his bastardizations. They are his, yes, but then he gave them to me, so they are also mine. So I will ever understand why. And it continues, something I shouldn't let phase me, because honestly he has been tinkering since he went and added "A New Hope" back in 1981, but that is minor compared to his decision to give Darth Vader another line in Return of the Jedi's blu-ray version... [tangent eminent] ... it needs to be said that the silence of Vader's sacrifice was part of the poignancy of his action. Adding an awkward scream for no real reason (see video below) seems absurd ... and that is the problem I have with the tinkering, that there is no real reason for loads of the alterations. If they were somehow justified, or even remotely understandable then perhaps, JUST perhaps they would be more palatable. But I doubt it.

In summation: if there is sandwich that has a little bit of poop on it, and a sandwich with a lot of poop on it, I don't want either of them. A little poop isn't more desirable. I prefer no poop.

Sigh.

***UPDATE**

Just found out about this purposeless alteration. How the F-ing f, did R2 get back there in the first place?

Space Oddity

2011-08-30T12:50:00.000-06:00

David Bowie's song transformed into a children's book by Andrew Kolb.

For Finn, for sure.

It's not for sale yet, but you can download the pdf here.

Splendid

2011-06-12T21:17:00.000-06:00

Words starting in 'sp' words are among of my favorites things.

Also, this song and this artist. Too good.

Early Spring Till -- Nathaniel Rateliff

Paper Cuts

2011-05-31T22:03:00.000-06:00

This is one of the most simple, yet brilliant projects I have seen in a while. Olly Moss illustrated bits of pop-culture through the filter of an age old technique. So entertaining.

I chose to highlight a few of my favorites. Some are obvious, and some require thought. Be sure to go to his site, because all are worth looking at.

Happy Star Wars Day: May the 4th be with you

2011-05-04T01:12:00.000-06:00

Dear Blank, Sincerely Blank

2011-04-15T12:33:00.001-06:00

via

If We Don't, Remember Me.

2011-03-14T23:34:00.000-06:00

iwdrm is currently my favorite internet offering. It is home to the most artful and brilliant movie .gifs I have ever seen.

But you don't have to take my word for it.

“This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.”-- Alien (1979)

“Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I’m Max Fischer.”-- Rushmore (1998)

“TOO MANY SECRETS” -- Sneakers (1992)

“From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight.” -- Taxi Driver (1976)

“This is pretty much the worst video ever made.” -- Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

“Its origin and purpose are still a total mystery.” -- 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Make sure to check out the whole site.

Intoxicated Cephalopod...

2010-12-15T16:59:00.001-07:00

...or: I will never look at coat hangers the same again.

via

100 Greatest First Lines

2010-09-25T19:35:00.002-06:00

American Book Review posted what it considers to be the 100 best first lines from novels. I posted the top ten and a few others that are my favorite– see if you agree:

1. Call me Ishmael. —Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)

2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

3. A screaming comes across the sky. —Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)

4. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. —Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude (1967; trans. Gregory Rabassa)

5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. —Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita (1955)

6. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. —Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1877; trans. Constance Garnett)

7. riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. —James Joyce, Finnegans Wake (1939)

8. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. —George Orwell, 1984 (1949)

9. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. —Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)

10. I am an invisible man. —Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)

15. The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new. —Samuel Beckett, Murphy (1938)

19. I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me; had they duly considered how much depended upon what they were then doing;—that not only the production of a rational Being was concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature of his body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind;—and, for aught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house might take their turn from the humours and dispositions which were then uppermost:—Had they duly weighed and considered all this, and proceeded accordingly,—I am verily persuaded I should have made a quite different figure in the world, from that, in which the reader is likely to see me. —Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy (1759–1767)

27. Somewhere in la Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing. —Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote (1605; trans. Edith Grossman)

38. All this happened, more or less. —Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

59. It was love at first sight. —Joseph Heller, Catch-22 (1961)

66. "To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die." —Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses (1988)

68. Most really pretty girls have pretty ugly feet, and so does Mindy Metalman, Lenore notices, all of a sudden. —David Foster Wallace, The Broom of the System (1987)

Whole list here.

Art by the great Mark Weaver

The Once and Future King

2010-09-20T19:23:00.003-06:00

With a score of 1,064,500 points, Steve Weibe is again the Donkey Kong world champion.

According to the press release:

Wiebe last held the Donkey Kong record in spring of 2007, only to be bested by his movie rival Billy Mitchell months later. Mitchell’s score fell to New York’s Hank Chien in March of this year, but the Florida hot sauce distributor regained the title on July 31 with a score of 1,062,800 points.
Wiebe, who has attempted regaining the record at numerous live events over the years, recorded his championship game on August 30 for submission to Twin Galaxies, who verified and announced the score on Monday, September 20 as the new World Record.

A grand day. If you have not a clue as to why this blithesome news is landing on happy ears, watch King of Kong and stew in the pure evil that is Billy Mitchell.

Podcasts

2010-09-06T14:38:00.000-06:00

I listen to these as though by doing so I am guaranteed salvation. Evidence suggests there may be more to salvation than devotion to stellar podcasts, but I am hoping it will at least help.

What others am I missing, just in case?

Uncut

2010-09-01T11:41:00.003-06:00

The idea is simple. The whole movie was divided into 15-second segments. Fans could then go and claim a segment and film it in which ever way their nerdy selves so desired, and then it was pieced back together.

I must admit that I was a little concerned that the segments and mostly the cuts between them would make for a disjointed and unpleasant viewing experience. I was wrong and found my lack of faith disturbing.

In earnest, on some level we all love Star Wars. Some love it more. Some love it most. Those in the latter category have a shallow pool in which to draw what I will call 'socially expectable' avenues in which to proclaim and manifest their devotion. Most attempts are met with the pure-gold vitriol of say, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog from Conan O'Brien.

No more. Uncut has given these nerds the outlet they so deserve and they even won a little award called Emmy for their troubles.

So, after you get back from the Tosche station with your power converters, watch the whole thing here: Star Wars Uncut.

only your first, and already you're spectacular

2010-06-20T00:25:00.005-06:00

P.S. Psssst...Darren, it's me Lindsey. Don't be mad, but I hacked your idea and then your blog. It's true, you're a great dad and the one and only butthead of our days and nights. We love you, oh so. --L & F

Action Camus

2010-05-16T03:23:00.003-06:00

Awesome.

by R. Sikoryak, (1990)

Frank Frazetta

2010-05-10T14:09:00.015-06:00

My dad didn't own many books. The ones he did own were of two sorts: self-help (usually written by Og Mandino), or escapism (written by Edgar Rice Burroughs'...Tarzan, and John Carter of Mars). An interesting collection, I know, and what it says about good ol' Jack is also interesting. Now, anyone who knows me correctly assumes that I never read any of the self-help books...clearly demonstrated by my poor decision-making skills, and over all inability to actually help myself. However, if you really do know me, you would also correctly assume that I was drawn to the nerdery found in Burroughs' stories. Still, keep in mind that I was young and this was pre-comic book me, so my reading level was still quite low. So I couldn't really read the books and understand them in any real kind of way; but I loved the covers, and stared at them for hours.

It was later that I learned the artist's name: Frank Frazetta; his covers are one of the few occasions where it would be safe to judge the book by it's cover. Frank, made a name for himself in the fantasy realm. He dabbled in all the generas I love: comics, fantasy, and Sci-fi. How, in all honesty, I haven't posted about him before is a mystery. He is amazing. He somehow manages to meld realism and surrealism in such a way as to make it easy[er] to think: well of course it is possible for that man to be fighting a four-armed giant alien on Mars, look at the picture...it's obvious.

Anyway, Frank died today, so it seemed a good time to share so all appreciators of art/space/monsters/aliens/swords/axes/gorillas/muscles/wizards/et al...can mourn as well as bask in his nerd god glory.

Why yes, that is Battlestar Gallactica you see depicted there...."oh", you ask, "is that The Witch King fighting Éowyn from Lord of the Rings", yes yes it is. "Is that a badass on a horse with a bloody axe?" Yessir, and isn't it fine?

Told ya, folks.

Jedi or Sith Lord?

2010-04-26T20:03:00.006-06:00

Finn

2010-04-07T13:16:00.006-06:00

Well, I have a child. His name is Finn.

To celebrate, here is some sweetness:

(via)

Nonpartisan

2010-03-25T20:12:00.010-06:00

If I were a Republican I would write this as the caption to this picture: "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." -- Vader

or this: "The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded." -- Obi-Wan

or this: "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life" -- C-3PO

or this: "Who's the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?" -- Obi-Wan

or this: “The Dark Side of the Force is the pathway to many abilities some consider to be… Unnatural.” -- Senator Palpatine

or this: "We're doomed." -- C3PO

If I were a Democrat I would write this: "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." -- Obama-Wan

or this: “The Force is strong with this one.” Vader

or this: "I love you". "I know". -- Leia and Han

or this: "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck". -- Obama-Wan

or this: “Great, kid. Don’t get cocky” -- Han Solo

or this: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope." -- Liea

As a nerd I will merely write this: "What an incredible smell you've discovered" -- Han Solo

The People -vs- George Lucas

2010-02-06T12:23:00.002-07:00

Just a teaser, but this looks like it may be something I might like. Maybe.

My Head...

2010-02-04T14:57:00.003-07:00

...after watching L O S T. Am I right?

The Phantom Menace: A Review

2010-01-23T01:09:00.002-07:00

My friend Scott told me about this. He has always been someone with a preternatural ability to hone in on all things stellar, and he has done it again.

I am posting this just in case there are people out there who haven't seen it. It is a stellar review deconstructing the many many issues that thwart what could have been the best film of my adult life. It certainly was the most anticipated. Can you imagine if that film was done right? I bet there wouldn't be a war in Iraq right now, my child wouldn't ever have had to worry about cancer, because it would be cured, and I wouldn't swear so much.

This guy, whomever he is, has put into words what many of us have felt for years; he found discrepancies that I never would have thought of, but are so true that once pointed out, I felt as though I had known them my whole life.

The presentation may strike some as odd, and isn't for those who find some swearing to be offensive. For me, I think he has done it like this for a reason, and swearing has never bothered me.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Best of the Aughties: Films

2010-01-18T11:31:00.013-07:00

So, apparently everyone is doing their obligatory “best of the decade” lists and, it seems that I am no exception.

Though the Aughts (also known as the 2000’s) were horrible in a lot of ways for the world, especially the U.S. (war, September 11th, massive recession and economic meltdown) there were also some great things and going through my list of films that came out from 2000 – 2009…it was strong decade. In fact, it is so strong that I couldn't bear to whittle down the list to a mere top 10, so I have done a top 35.

There is to be no doubt that some films will have been forgotten, I am no genius and my memory is less than acceptable, so forgive my ineptitude at list making. Also, for this list, only the top 10 are in any kind of order.

Let it begin:

1. Lord of the Rings Trilogy:
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings (Peter Jackson, 2001)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Peter Jackson, 2002)
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Peter Jackson, 2003)
2. The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan, 2008)
3. The Royal Tenebaums (Wes Anderson, 2001)
4. Lost in Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2003)
5. Donnie Darko (Richard Kelly, 2001)
6. The Departed (Martin Scorsese, 2006)
7. There Will Be Blood (Paul Thomas Anderson, 2007)
8. No Country for Old Men (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, 2007)
9. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (Seth Gordon, 2007)
10. Moon (Duncan Jones, 2009)
10. Avatar (James Cameron, 2009)

11. Inglorious Bastards (Quentin Tarantino, 2009)
12. Pan’s Labyrinth (Guillermo Del Toro, 2006)
13. Memento (Christopher Nolan, 2000)
15. The Wind that Shakes the Barley (Ken Loach, 2006)
16. Touching the Void (Kevin MacDonald, 2003)
17. Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000)
18. Man On Wire (James Marsh, 2008)
19. Oldboy (Chan-wook Park, 2003)
20. This Is England (Shane Meadows, 2007)

21. High Fidelity (Stephen Frears, 2000)
22. Grizzly Man (Werner Herzog, 2005)
23. Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (Quentin Tarantino, 2003, 2004)
24. Once (John Carney, 2007)
25. Juno (Jason Reitman, 2007)
26. Amélie (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 2001)
27. City of God (Fernando Meirelles, 2003)
28. The Bourne Identity (Paul Greengrass, 2002)
29. I Heart Huckabees (David O. Russell, 2004)
30. Hunger (Steve McQueen, 2008)

31. Children of Men (Alfonso Cuarón, 2006)
32. District 9 (Neill Blomkamp, 2009)
33. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (George Lucas, 2005)
34. American Psycho (Mary Harron, 2000)
35. Let the Right One In (Tomas Alfredson, 2008)

Runners Up:

Slumdog Millionaire (Danny Boyle, 2008)
Syriana (Stephen Gaghan, 2005)
28 Days Later... (Danny Boyle, 2002)
O Brother Where Art Thou? (Coen Brothers, 2000)
Brick (Rian Johnson, 2005)
Battle Royale (Kinji Fukasaku, 2000)
Unbreakable (M. Night Shyamalan, 2000)
In America (Jim Sheridan, 2004)
Almost Famous (Cameron Crowe, 2000)
The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow ,2009)
Star Trek (J.J. Abrams, 2009)
The Prestige (Christopher Nolan, 2006)
A History Of Violence (David Cronenberg, 2005)
Punch-Drunk Love (Paul Thomas Anderson, 2002)
The Squid and The Whale (Noah Baumbach , 2005)
Son of Rambow (Seth Gordon, 2007)

Divulgence VI

2010-01-14T22:21:00.010-07:00

J-Lo's Jenny from the Block has long been the song most likely to audibly violate my poor ears and then, as though nothing just happened, it sit down on my brain-couch and get cozy. It's not dissimilar to the facehugger from the movie Alien: it latches on, impregnates, lulls into thinking all is well, and then, out of no where, when you are in a social situation in which singing J-Lo would be considered awkward (are there times when it wouldn't be?), it explodes out of you to the shock and disgust of all.

However, another song has been produced that is, like the Alien from Alien: "the perfect organism. A killing machine whose physical excellence is matched only by it's hostility". The prefect mixture of catchy and annoying: Beyonce's Put A Ring On It. WHY can't songs I enjoy ever get stuck in my head? I am Ripley. I am ever dogged by the same demon, torment on repeat. Even if I were to traverse the expanses of time and space, by some preternatural ability some poorly written over produced drivel will find my ear, face-hug it, and...well, you know.

I tell you that, so I could tell you this:

Recently, a face-hugger from my past has reemerged. Like the Alien from Alien³, it has a similar form but a few different features. This song tried to romance my brain before it embed itself by being a song that, embarrassing, I used to enjoy listening to; hence the divulgence. In 1992 Ugly Kid Joe wrote a song that encapsulated all that I now think is wrong with music: Everything About You.. It is contrived, meant to capitalize on the popular "alternative rock" craze of the 90's; and it is so obnoxious that of course it appealed to the Beevis and Butt-head loving, every bit as annoying Darren of the early 90's.

In earnest, U.K.J. wasn't as bad as the J-Lo or Beyonce experience. It was annoying, but it's romancing worked, and for a while now I have been in a continual state of nostalgia for the songs I enjoyed in the 90's. So I have started a playlist, and have been whistling a hunting song as I look for both the good and the bad. I will share what I have so far with hopes that anyone still reading this will have further ideas, and I am not pulling any proverbial punches, this is a divulgence and I admit to liking all these songs. For the sake of space, I have tried to keep these to the years I was in high school: 1992-96.

(also, if a band has multiple tracks, I didn't put them all, but there are some with multiple listings)

(also, don't mention Jessie by Joshua Kadison...that song is so bad that even 90's Darren didn't like it).

Man in the Box -- Alice in Chains (1991)
Down in a Hole -- Alice in Chains (1992)
Rooster -- Alice in chains (1993)
Good -- Better Than Ezra (1995)
Bittersweet -- Big Head Todd & the Monsters (1993)
Poor Miss -- Big Head Todd & the Monsters (1994)
No Rain -- Blind Melon (1992)
Run-Around -- Blues Traveler (1994)
Hook -- Blues Traveler (1994)
(Everthing I Do) I Do It For You -- Brian Adams (1991)
Glycerine -- Bush (1995)
Stickshifts and Safety Belts -- CAKE (1996)
Friend is a Four Letter Word -- CAKE (1996)
Satellite -- Dave Matthews Band (1994)
Ants Marching -- Dave Matthews Band (1994)
Crash Into Me-- Dave Matthews Band (1996)
Lie in Our Graves (1996)
Personal Jesus -- Depeche Mode (1990)
One Caress -- Depeche Mode (1993)
I'll Be -- Edwin McCain (1998)
Tears in Heaven -- Eric Clapton (1992)
More Than Words -- Extreme (1990)
Name -- Goo Goo Dolls (1995)
Iris -- Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
Black Balloon -- Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
Basket Case -- Green Day (1994)
Time -- Hootie & the Blowfish (1995)
Hold My Hand -- Hootie & the Blowfish (1995)
Let Her Cry -- Hootie & the Blowfish (1995)
Out to Get You -- James (1993)
Say Something -- James (1993)
Laid -- James (1993)
Lullaby -- James(1993)
Flood -- Jars of Clay (1995)
I Alone -- Live (1994)
Lightning Crashes -- Live (1994)
All Over You -- Live (1994)
Sick Of Myself -- Matthew Sweet (1995)
The Beautiful People -- Marylin Manson(1996)
Enter Sandman -- Metallica (1991)
Sad But True -- Metallica (1991)
Hurt -- Nine Inch Nails (1994)
Smells Like Teen Spirit -- Nirvana (1991)
In Bloom -- Nirvana (1991)
Come As You Are -- Nirvana (1991)
Wonderwall -- Oasis
Self Esteem -- The Offspring (1994)
Once -- Pearl Jam (1991)
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town -- Pearl Jam (1993)
Yellow Ledbetter -- Pearl Jam (1991)
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)-- The Proclaimers (heard 1994)
Creep -- Radiohead --(1993)
Under the Bridge -- Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)
Did You Ever Look So Nice -- The Samples (1992)
Little Silver Ring -- The Samples (1993)
Who Am I? -- The Samples (1994)
Runaway Train -- Soul Asylum
Blackhole Sun -- Soundgarden (1994)
Two Princes -- Spin Doctors (1991)
Hell -- Squirrel Nut Zippers (1996)
Fields of Gold -- Sting (1993)
Dead and Bloated -- Stone Temple Pilots (1992)
Interstate Love Song -- Stone Temple Pilots (1994)
I Palindrome I -- They Might Be Giants (1992)
Mammal -- They Might Be Giants (1992)
Spider -- They Might Be Giants (1992)
Good Intentions -- Toad The Wet Sprocket
Possum Kingdom -- Toadies(1994)
Tyler -- Toadies (1994)
Sober -- TooL (1994)
One -- U2(1991)
Can't Help Falling In Love -- UB40 (1993)
Everything About You -- Ugly Kid Joe (1992)
Blister in the Sun -- Violent Femmes (1993)
My Name is Jonas -- Weezer (1994)
Only In Dreams -- Weezer (1994)
El Sorcho -- Weezer (1996)
More Human Than Human -- White Zombie (1995)

Notable omissions due to disliking/hating: Smashing Pumpkins and Counting Crows...hated them both. Also, present tense, hate.

So, what'd I miss?

Paradox

2009-12-15T06:20:00.001-07:00

One Shot, One [s]Kill

2009-12-04T09:56:00.010-07:00

Aside from campy sports films, Wes Anderson, and Bill Murray, the only thing that never fails to garner my praise in film is the extended single take. About three years ago Children of Men came out. Not many saw it, but aside from a stellar sound track this movie is home to not one, but double one -- or two -- of the greatest examples of the extended single take. Now I take a risk at posting these because in the States this film is rated the demonic rating, and this is the warning to all those wishing to avoid hell, don't watch. For the rest of my fellow justification experts, watch and be amazed.

This first scene has been both lauded for it's technical prowess, as well as criticized as being too showie-offie. Regardless of what your position is it is impossible to pretend that this scene isn't 100-percent kick-a$$. (again, not for the fair souled)

Apparently the interior of the car was modified so the actors could duck while a camera, mounted on rails on top of the car, swerved around their heads via remote control. There was a driver at the front ensured they didn’t hit any trees going forward, and there was also a driver pointing backwards for the reverse bits. Stellar.

As brilliant as that scene is, this next one made an indelible impression on me, and three years later I still can't shake it's impact. It is one of my favorite scenes in any movie...evaa.

The video's embedding has been disabled so check out the link here: Link

While this whole ten minute clip isn't one take, the majority of it is.

This scene took twelve days to prepare for and two days of shooting to get. The shot in the movie is the only complete take, and also the last chance they had to do the scene because the available light was fading and they were to lose the location the next day. In an audio interview with the director, he describes yelling “halt” when blood splatters on the lens, however, an explosion blew at the same time so no one heard him and he decided to let the filming carry on. Huzzah for small miracles.

Serious credit should also go to the actors. There is no way that everything that has been planned will occur exactly as hoped and the actor has to cope or it is a wasted take. The director, Cuarón, had this to say on the subject:

“When you doing these long shots, I can choreograph to the inch every single moment. But once you rolling the camera, everything falls on the shoulder of your character. Because things are going to go wrong, and it’s how he reacts with things going wrong that create the moment of truthfulness.”

Good film making makes me happy.

From Boethius to Batman: The Wisdom of Ignatius J. Reilly

2009-11-05T05:09:00.007-07:00

I am feeling some love today for one of my favorite books: A Confederacy of Dunces. This book made me laugh out loud on many occasions, mostly from the oddities of the main character Ignatius J. Reilly.

If you haven't read this book, a brief character analysis may be in order. In his foreword to the book, Walker Percy describes Ignatius as a "slob extraordinary, a mad Oliver Hardy, a fat Don Quixote, a perverse Thomas Aquinas rolled into one". Ignatius has a general disdain for modernity, particularly pop culture; this disdain becomes a bit of an obsession, and, as obsessions can do, hinders him from living what may be deemed as a socially acceptable existence. One of the best examples of this disdain is his continual desire to attend the movies, even though he hates them. He goes, not to be entertained, but in order to mock their "perversity" and express his outrage with the contemporary world's lack of "theology and geometry".

However, sometimes Ignatius' disdain is tempered. One particularly absurd passage really stuck with me, as the beloved anti-hero tries to set his acquaintance Dorian Greene on the right path. How? By reading Roman philosophy and comics.

From Chapter 10:

“I suspect that beneath your offensively and vulgarly effeminate facade there may be a soul of sorts. Have you read widely in Boethius?”

“Who? Oh, heavens no. I never even read newspapers.”

“Then you must begin a reading program immediately so that you may understand the crises of our age,” Ignatius said solemnly. “Begin with the late Romans, including Boethius, of course. Then you should dip rather extensively into early Medieval. You may skip the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. That is mostly dangerous propaganda. Now that I think of it, you had better skip the Romantics and the Victorians, too. For the contemporary period, you should study some selected comic books.”

“You’re fantastic.”

“I recommend Batman especially, for he tends to transcend the abysmal society in which he’s found himself. His morality is rather rigid, also. I rather respect Batman.”

Ignatius may be a gargantuan, green-capped, lumberjack-shirted vortex of hypochondria, misanthropy, contempt, intellectual precocity, and intestinal problems, but he knows his comics.

Music of the Past

2009-10-28T13:46:00.001-06:00

The Archive from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.

This makes me sad.

Admittedly, I am as guilty of this as anyone. I don't own a single vinyl record; but I want to...does that count? If I had 3 million extra dollars, I would buy this collection in one second of one heart beat, as the saying goes.

See This

2009-09-08T13:44:00.005-06:00

I will update soon, I promise; I have some posts that have been sitting in draft mode for months. Until then, I just wanted to say: see District 9. It is the business.

This may be old news to many as it has been out a while in the States, but here in Scotland it has only been out for 4 days. So don't judge me.

Lease

2009-07-29T07:17:00.005-06:00

Yep.

from

One Picure and One Song IV

2009-07-20T14:09:00.001-06:00

Prague 1968
The Sacred War -- Red Army Choir

Answers

2009-07-06T14:49:00.010-06:00

I am impressed with how many were guessed. Well played.

1. 3:10 to Yuma
2. Aliens
3. Gangs of New York
4. Joe vs The Volcano
5. The Professional (Leon)
6. Magnolia
7. Se7en
8. The Aviator
9. The Royal Tenenbaums
10. V for Vendetta
11. 2001: A Space Odyssey
12. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
13. A Clockwork Orange
14. Capote (this one was mean...there aren't any hints in the still AT ALL...mea culpa)
15. Lawrence of Arabia
16. There Will Be Blood
17. Punch Drunk Love
18. Silence of the Lambs
19. Edward Scissorhands
20. The Shawshank Redemption
21. The Fall (again a rather cruel choice)
22. I Heart Huckabees
23. Primer
24. Psycho
25. Predator

Good times. Can anyone tell me what director was used most?

Film Stills II

2009-06-17T07:54:00.040-06:00

I have turned in the last of my course work. Because of this most excellent occasion I have prescribed for myself a small respite before delving into the abyss that is my thesis, and I felt that some of that time should be spent tossing up a second volley of cryptic film stills to test my dear friends movie prowess. So here is another cinematic have-at-ye to those few who may still gander at this page:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

I plan on waiting about a week to post the answers. However, if most are guessed before the week is spent I will post the titles earlier. If you are dying to know if your guesses are right make it known and I will email you.

Good luck.

Beards

2009-05-29T18:35:00.027-06:00

I love mine.

Every man should grow one in his life...even if it is only scant, splotchy, or wispy. (especially ~~James~~, Dan, and Grant)

My friend Kristen was happy to finally make it's acquaintance in person this week on my short but bangarang week in Utah for my sisters wedding.

My wife is in deep like with my beard...which is sweet because, having it sans spousal blessing would prove, I believe, problematic.

I was told by a member of the stake presidency recently to shave...I said no. I said it isn't a testimony stick by which to measure my piety. Then a time later the stake president said it looked great and I shouldn't have been told that. Satisfying and factual.

Having a beard makes eating without a napkin always a mistake.

A beard gives you a jaw line when your neck area refuses to supply one on its own due to over plumping.

Keeping a neatly trimmed beard can make a beard turn boring and you will be upset for a time, because often, with the exception of jungle cats, the more untamed the better.

My beard is multicolored. Calico even. This makes for a rich sense of indecision on my face's part.

Once Joe brought up his mustache (which is one of my favorite parts of the full beard) and the distinct smell it has each time he grows it; I commented that mine smells of tire rubber. Upon rethinking, I would change that and say it is more like the old air coming from the tire when it is being released.

My first beard was for Euro Trip 2005. I made the novice beard-faced mistake of finding it itchy and therefore leaving it on the bathroom floor in Florence. Regrets. I grew a new one as soon as my job allowed.

Shaving my beard was the only prerequisite for Lindsey's hand in marriage. It was a harder decision then I will ever admit to in any manner other than indirect reference. I grew a new one as soon as my end of that contract had been upheld.

I have yet to find myself stroking my beard while lost in thought. I am, however, expecting this any day now.

A pipe is the ultimate accessory for a beard. Sadly no one has yet to see the profit in tobacco-less tobacco so it remains unpacked and unlit.

Beards without mustaches are odd...one is forced to wonder if that look was the mullet if its day: clean out front, party down the sides. If so then Brigham and the Amish just blasted into the mega-cool stratosphere.

Mythically Speaking

2009-05-17T13:01:00.027-06:00

Many of these I would wear without a dare, and all for less than a double-dog.

Golden Eagle Collage
Dragon Lair
Black Wolf Spirit
Sunlit Unicorn
Three Wolf Moon
Lone Star
Hallowed Harmony
Dragonfire
Break Through Tiger
Big Cat Collage
Fighting Rexes
Rainbow Unicorn

If, for any reason, you wanted to pay top dollar for any of these rather than visit your local truck stop then there is hope -- all of these sweeties, and more, can be found at Mythically Speaking.

God Bless

Things I Think Are Real

2009-05-14T02:19:00.004-06:00

Hogwarts
Middle Earth
super powers
the Force
unicorns
Willy Wonka

One Picture and One Song III

2009-04-23T14:11:00.009-06:00

(side car = cool. lions = kings of the jungle. a lion in a side car = good family fun)

The Battle of New Orleans -- Johnny Horton

for Jack

And I Thought They Smelled Bad on the Outside

2009-04-02T06:33:00.007-06:00

Note the light saber zipper, (how else should one expect to get inside?)

Note the intestines for the lining.

Sadly this was an April Fools joke from the brilliant minds at Think Geek. If it had been real, I would have ordered one for my nephew (and by nephew I secretly mean me).

Divulgence V

2009-03-10T13:12:00.004-06:00

I worshiped this guy while sporting my Vuarnet shirt and my flounder shaped Nash skateboard that I was too afraid to ride.

Musaq and Philm II

2009-02-20T06:51:00.033-07:00

Most of my posts as of late have been both lazy and orientated around music and movies. So, keeping with the spirit of the latter and forgoing the former I am posting a second of what is a favorite post of mine...certainly the most fun I have had on this here blog.

Allow me briefly to reiterate the intent of these posts. In the hands of the right director music and film are a seamless pairing. The right song can elevate what may be mundane and make it extraordinary. I am not discussing a musical score, that is a different beast, for these posts I am simply examining that one scene made better by that one song.

The Film: Children of Men
The Song: The Court of the Crimson King -- King Crimson
The Scene: Theo is driven into the imposing Battersea Power Station and the strains of King Crimson's The Court of the Crimson King swell and I'm floored. I'm so distracted by the music in this movie that the film seems to take on a surrealistic quality.

The Film: Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
The Song: Liar Liar -- Castaways
The Scene: Easily consider the UK equivalent of Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie’s film involving a high stakes card game gone wrong. Like Tarantino, the film has an excellent soundtrack as the tracks are well-placed throughout. One scene in particular involves a card game. It is shot simply with rotating camera views, slow-mo, and quick shots, but the use of the Castaways track takes what would have been a dull scene to preternatural heights.

The Film: Punch-Drunk Love
The Song: He Needs Me -- Shelly Duvall
The Scene: Barry (Adam Sandler) finally draws his courage and stands up to one of his sisters whom he constantly receives nothing but grief. It’s a moment of liberation, he has reached the point where he would no longer put up with his sister or any other malarkey life has thrown at him anymore. From that moment on, the track from Shelly Duvall plays through a wonderful sequence where he flies to Hawaii to see the one important woman in his life.

This song falls squarely in the twee category, and unless it was coupled with a magnificent scene in a film by the brilliant Paul Thomas Anderson it would have never garnered a second listen. This says something about the power found when good film is coupled with good music.

The Film: Once
The Song: Falling Slowly -- Glen Hansard
The Scene: Though slightly over played now I first heard the song when I saw the movie and can't shake it. Perhaps this shouldn't count since the music is the scene instead of being played over it, but when they sit down and Glen starts to play for her and she joins him it is something to behold; the paragon melding of the two mediums. Call me cheesy, but it was singular.

The Film: Layer Cake
The Song: Ordinary World -- Duran Duran
The Scene: This rather serene song is perfectly juxtaposed over a scene where a crazy drug dealer kicks the poop out of a fat bloke, before pouring hot tea over him. “As I try to make my way, to the ordinary world, somehow I will survive”...perfect.

The Film: Reservoir Dogs
The Song: Stuck in the Middle With You -- Stealers Wheel
The Scene: This is just a prime example of hearing a song during a scene and it forever being associated with that moment. Every time I listen to this song I cringe because I am instantly transported to that that moment when I first saw Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsden) torture his little police officer buddy. The result is the cutting of the aforementioned police officer’s ear and later being doused with gasoline -- all of this happening while Mr. Blonde dances along to this song. Horrific and brilliant.

The Film: Almost Famous
The Song: Tiny Dancer -- Elton John
The Scene: On a tour bus with a fictional band in 1973; emotions are down and stress levels are high, then Tiny Dancers comes on the radio and the mood changes culminating in everyone singing along. There you have a moment in cinema history that perfectly captures something that all of us can relate to in some manner.

The Film: High Fidelity
The Song: Dry the Rain -- The Beta Band
The Scene:
ROB
I will now sell five copies of the 3 E.P.s by The Beta Band.

DICK
Do it.

Rob pops the CD in and it begins to play... He stands there
with his arms folded, waiting. After a moment, a Customer
approaches.

CUSTOMER
(re: music)
What is this?

ROB
It's The Beta Band.

CUSTOMER
It's great.

ROB
I know.
Too good.

The Film: The Darjeeling Limited
The Song: This Time Tomorrow -- The Kinks
The Scene: See for yourself (the song kicks in towards the end):

Bill Murray's cameo...the slow-mo...the colors...the whole scene is brilliant.

The Film: Apocalypse Now
The Song: The End -- The Doors
The Scene: As the eerie guitar line begins to creep in, there is a slow motion long shot of a rain forest in Vietnam. The chop from the helicopter blades can be heard slightly, and we can see shadows of them flying overhead. Just as Jim Morrison sings the opening line, “This is the end”, the canopy explodes in flames. In my opinion it is one of the most amazing shots ever recorded on film. Still the brilliant use of this opus doesn’t end there. As it progresses into a brain-quelling mash of organ, tambourine and tribal drums, we are treated to a few glimpses into the mental state of Captain Ben Willard (Martin Sheen). Based on what we see from him, it certainly feels like the end, but it’s really only the beginning.

The Film: Cool Hand Luke
The Song: Plastic Jesus
The Scene: One of the best scenes from one of the best movies. Paul Newman as Luke sings this just after he finds out some terrible news. His fellow prisoners file to the back of the room as to afford a modicum of privacy so Luke can grieve. As he plays his voice breaks over waves of emotions that he tries to choke down. The song was perhaps one his mother sang to him as a child; whatever it's significance it is an ideal choice for that scene. Paul was a master.

One Picture and One Song II

2009-02-18T06:25:00.006-07:00

Lover Boy -- Billy Ocean

Dorian Gray

2009-02-03T15:29:00.009-07:00

Dorian Gray (1970, Italy, Germany, UK) -- from Wrong Side of Art

Why don't movie posters look like this anymore?

2008 Favorites: Films

2009-01-22T09:12:00.020-07:00

In both blockbuster and art house venues this has been a great year for film.

Despite what the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards think, I still hold that The Dark Knight is the best movie I saw this year.

You see most movies exist singularly, in a specific sphere and they stick to it. You don't go see, say Transformers for the amazing story, or superb acting; you go to gorge your eyes with special effects and action. Similarly, you don't go see No Country For Old Men or There Will Be Blood for the round house kicks or giant robots, but for the cinematography, the plot twists, character development, and the acting. This is why Nolan's snub for Best Director as well as the snub for Best Picture is so grossly unfortunate, because when you sit down to enjoy The Dark Knight you are able to get the story, cinematography, and acting of art house favorites like No Country for Old Men, as well as the 'biff bam boom' FX and action expected from multi-million dollar blockbusters. This has been done before (Star Wars comes to mind), but it is a rare occurrence, and while I had no delusions that the Caped Crusader's would win for Best Picture, I thought for sure it would have at least been nominated (just as Star Wars was), because FOR SURE it deserves it.

The more I think about it the more flames appear on the side of my face.

I have stepped down off my soap box; I could rant for hours over the brilliance of that film, but I won't.

I have been busy this year and haven't seen as many films as I usually do which I don't think will ever be possible again to see as many as I used to with by new goal of growing the hell up but I still manage to sneak in more than a fair amount. Here are the other films excited me this year in ranked order:

Man on Wire (Easily the second best film of the year)

Iron Man (all comic book, nay action movies, take heed)

Slumdog Millionaire

The Incredible Hulk
Wall-E
Curious Case of Benjamin Button (though I preferred it when it was about a guy sitting on a bench and running a lot)
Appaloosa
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
The Fall

Many movies are released later over here so I haven't had the chance to see many of the major contenders in the Oscar race, but many are coming out this month so this list may grow soon. I will be seeing Frost/Nixon this week as well as The Wrestler, and Gran Torino.

I am very much wanting to see Synecdoche, New York, and Hunger.

2008 Favorites: Albums

2009-01-19T07:30:00.024-07:00

To avoid the convolution of previous years I have decided to break up my 2008 list into segments.

Obviously this bit covers my favorite albums from the last year. I chose this first because it is the most difficult for me; there are not many albums that can keep my finger off the skip button for at least one song, making it then impossible for me to say that it is a favorite album. I have recently realized that this is perhaps too stringent, too annoying. Still, change is hard, and I am lazy; so rut stuck remain.

These are the albums I heard this year that I enjoyed every song:

Nine Inch Nails -- The Slip
sample: 1,000,000

I am not as vocal about my admiration for NIN as I am about my love for, say, all things acoustic, so this choice may surprise some. This of course by no means diminishes the fact that Trent Reznor is a man with few equals in the realm of music.

Mogwai -- The Hawk Is Howling
sample:
Batcat
Danphe and the Brain

Constant. They have a predictable soft-loud-soft-loud pattern, but methinks it will never get old.

Bon Iver -- For Emma, Forever Ago
sample: Flume

ahh, like a cool breeze when you are not cold...and you have some sweat going.

Horse Feathers -- House With No Home
sample: Curs in Weeds

Though not as good as their last album, this one still had me hooked from note one.

Meursault --Pissing On Bonfires/Kissing With Tongues
sample:
Salt Pt.1
A Small Stretch of Land
A Few Kind Words

If it weren't for Mr. Iver, this would be my favorite offering from 2008.

Short list, I know. My next post should be heftier.

Also, I added a new gadget some time ago that will assist in listening to these without having to open up a new window, just hit the play button next to the song and it will start playing the song from this page, and will go right to the next link.

Film Stills

2008-12-08T14:18:00.024-07:00

I have recently joined an online group that posts stills from films. I have been spending far too much valuable time sifting through the archives but I feel vindicated as I have found nuggets of nostalgic gold.

I am interested in seeing how well my friends know their films, so I am posting a few of these unearthed nuggets to see of you can guess what movies they belong to. In the interest of fairness, I will try and use movies that I would think that the majority of folks have seen, nothing too obsolete. Or are they?

I will try and choose still with enough clues to be able to figure it out regardless of whether you have seen the movie. But I think for many it will entirely be up to to if you have seen the movie or not.

Some may prove easy. Others, if you're anything like me, will stir a memory and you will KNOW that you know it, but the name just sits in the dark parts of your brain not wanting to come into the light and you will be driven mad. Or, perhaps you will just know them all.

A dollar to anyone who gets them all right.

And by a dollar I of course mean my respect.

That is probably enough for now. If this proves to be good fun, I think I will do this periodically as I have a massive collection now, and this is all I can think to do with it.

One Picutre and One Song

2008-11-07T04:46:00.020-07:00

Start a War by The National

Good and Even Better

2008-10-08T05:33:00.006-06:00

Good.
Even better.from here

I Should Be...

2008-10-07T07:13:00.006-06:00

....working on furthering my understanding of Scott's the Lay of the Last Minstrel for class in 40 minutes. but I'm clearly not.

I have stumbled upon another bit of honey and have to share. Okkervil River landed on a lot of year end lists last years with The Stage Names and last month they released a new album called The Stand Ins. It's an alight album worthy of a listen, but like their last effort I am sure this will grow on me.

But that's not the point. Here is the point: one of the innovative things Okkervil did to garner steam for this release was to solicit other musicians to perform the songs and submit videos of them which can be found here.

But what is truly blessed is that Bon Iver covered one. Like Midas, all he touches turns gold and what went from being an aright song that felt too long has been pared down and with the help of a classical guitar and untouchable falsetto has been made golden. If there is an MP3 version I can't find it so if you care to hear you'll have to watch the video.

yep.

Lucky

2008-10-05T10:43:00.015-06:00

I don't have the slightest idea of when the divergence took place. It wasn't shocking enough or, by any means, hallowed enough an event to be entered into the annals of time, so like the mystery of what Dr. Claw actually looks like, we'll never know. However, there are now two distinct (albeit a blurry distinction) types of web logs: updaters and not updaters. There is nothing wrong with either camp, but there used to be but one.

In the halcyon days of yore the only person I knew with a web log was Joe and he wrote once a month, maybe, mostly maybe not even. Those were simpler times. Less informed and far less connected, but simpler. Simpler is not always better. I enjoy this little neighborhood of friends linked from page to page. It has been great to reconnect with Gillilliland and others while staying connected with James, Joe, Grant, my sisters, and all fine common folk over there on the right. Still, I am not an updater. Lindsey's web log will always be the one to check for daily anecdotes of Scot living. She is the uber Updater. Again, I am not. My posts are sporadic in topic and timeliness and will only grow more so as I delve into my schooling.

However, I have been asked to update my web log with an update on life. So, here is you have it, an update on my new life in the old world:

It is entirely satisfying to be back in the classroom. I can't even tell if my teachers are boring because I like listening to their accents so much I can't help but pay attention.

I have three classes this semester. They meet once a week from Tuesday to Thursday. That may seem like a dream for all the free time, but my professors plan to fill it. In my Walter Scott class alone I am assigned a novel of his a week, starting with Waverley. This say nothing for my Literary Studies class or The Theory of the Novel. the next semester I have 4 classes that also meet once a week and then the last semester is dedicated entirely to writing my dissertation.

Though still largely undecided on what to focus on for my dissertation I think that while here I should delve into the culture I am surrounded by and study 19th century Scottish authors, mostly Sir Walter Scott. I haven't really read much of his but my adviser thinks it impossible to study Scottish writers without studying Scott so I'm giving him a go. I can't even tell you the amount of sweat thinking about what I am going to write my dissertation on brings, it is ugly and not the least bit natural and should be the topic of some scientist's dissertation.

Mostly though, I find myself feeling lucky.

I will try to post when I can, but it will rarely be an "update". It will most likely be about movies, music, video games, comic books, Star Wars, and other nerdery.

Some photos I have taken thus far:

Moss and memory on a flat lying tombstone.

Tree -v- Wall. Tree wins.

River Don

View from Bridge of Balgownie. We live under those pipes in the background

Me on a felled tree

This Has Nothing To Do With Scotland, But......

2008-09-27T07:04:00.020-06:00

...............I may have found the best music video of all time. It came out two years ago. This is my normal uptake on all-things-cool, about two years and a bit behind the rest of people keeping track of cool things (Joe, Matt). Regardless, I have now seen glory, and being so blessed feel duty bound to share for any even slower than I.

You see, I don't really watch MTV any more (they don't play videos any more so, i guess we're even) but, still the 90's in me misses those days filled with rockin videos that are so rockin' they are spelled rawkkin'. I want to be transported visually as well as aurally. Mitch (RIP) put it best when he was walking with a friend he said he heard music, Mitch said: "You're not special. That's how I receive it too..." I want to see the music.

Firstly, the song must be to my liking. After that, here is a list of criteria necessary for a video to even be considered for Best Video of My Life it is as follows:

at least one shot of a bird of prey
holograms
a ridiculously fast car, tricked out razor scooter, or motorcycle
cameo by Jean Cleaude Van Dame or Steven Segal (preferably the former)
wild west theme
lasers....and robots
a babe
badass kung fu-ness
a Lone Ranger mask
a babe riding a unicorn
hero with equally heroic mustache
a babe shooting lasers
furious karate chops and swooshing fists

Check the box if you see something in the video that is also on the list....let's see if this sweetness really rawkks.

I present "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse....hold the hell on:

yep, rawk.

No Segal or Van Dame but I still counted 12 out of 13, not bad at all. We have a winner. Best Music Video of My Life.

Huzzah! Huzzah!

2008-08-21T13:44:00.006-06:00

I posted about my longing for Mitch not to long ago. Today, Matt, the harbinger of Mitch, sent this gloriously lovely bit of honey to me. It was recorded 2 days before he died, which is unsettling, but it has over 40 minutes of unreleased schtick. Excelsior!

As Dan pointed out this release is also extremely saddening as it is a reminder that nothing is coming after this. But let us not have that doldrum taint the bliss of this release. September 9th will now be the new Christmas. Children will have the day off of school. Government agencies will not be open to the public. Mitch will be the real "Wyld Stallions" and the world will change from that day hence. Mark the day and revel in it.

Doveman: Footloose

2008-08-12T14:06:00.003-06:00

I will post a meatier post one day I swear. As for now if you haven't heard this remake of the Footloose soundtrack by Doveman you are desperately in need of a repentin' session and a few Hail Marys. This was made as an unauthorized album per a request from Doveman's childhood friend and was downloadable at one point, but to all of our misfortune the record label that owns the rights to the soundtrack put a cease and desist order so now it can only be streamed, but it is still worth your time. I have tried my darndest to find it via all my black market channels and have found nothing, not even cob webs.

The album has been pared down substantially from the original focusing merely on incredible keyboard talents and haunting vocals. Bangarang I say to that.

As I have addressed before, covers are often a spurious endeavour and can leave one feeling assaulted. Just as often, though, a cover is baby bear's porridge and leaves one feeling just right. I assure you Doveman's offering is the latter.

Divulgence IV

2008-07-22T14:15:00.006-06:00

Ever since I had it's Micro Machine, this Firebird with T-Top has always been a dream car of mine.

I am swimming in the white trash deep end I know, but come on, imagine with me here: picture me ripping down main street shirt off (or if it's on, it's a tank top), near-beer in hand, "Welcome to the Jungle" or "No More Tears" blaring over the speakers, white high-tops powered by legs donning shorter then acceptable cut off jean shorts putting the pedal straight to the metal, mustache curving upwards as it conforms to the smile that is beaming on my face...GLORIOUS. A pipe dream, I know. Still, a man can dream.

See This

2008-07-18T03:46:00.007-06:00

No spoilers here other then my endorsement. See it, see it, see it. It is worthy of a spot in the gilded halls of my top ten favorite films of all time.

Hasty! some of you may say, hasty! Nay I say to those sayers. Rare are the films that combine the right portions of the right elements to concoct a paragon optic elixir, and this one is as fine an elixir as they come.

What a great night at the movies.

Recently

2008-06-16T00:24:00.015-06:00

Recently, I have:

Done a load of laundry...sans soap
Poured way too much cereal in a bowl making it overpopulated and impossible to eat when the milk was added
Chased an absconding dog through a neighborhood
Destroyed a fence as I attempted to jump over it while chasing said dog
Debated the existence of free will
Lost 15 pounds
Seen a large black lady in not but her skivvies
Won not one but TWO games of 21 on the basketball court
Cut holes in 80 walls
Pooped in a field. That was a bad night.

Oh yeah, also I have recently:

Received an acceptance letter from Aberdeen University in Scotland
Jumped for joy and clicked my heals upon receiving aforementioned letter

I received three more rejections before Aberdeen's letter arrived. I had resigned to sit in agony for a year until I attempt the forehead bruising and or application process, again.

Many sighs of relief have been had, as well as many imaginary rounds of frothy ale housed in large mugs being raised overhead and quaffed after chanting 'huzzah' with my friends that have been as tormented as I during this process.

Come visit.

New Roads

2008-04-08T07:08:00.016-06:00

At this point even bad news is better then no news; at least we could make definitive plans. Yet, as it stands, I have heard naught but two demoralizing and echoing nos. So we wait. So we pine. So we dig to an unknown end. Taking steps in the dark hoping not to step on discarded nails. Stopping starting stopping starting repeated until the end of it. Packing and moving to Colorado for work or school or a time or eternity. There is a brief/lucrative job awaiting that will immensely alleviate any and all financial obligations. At least that brings a modicum of light to the future...that's good. Still, I feel I am returning to the equilateral mother land just to continue treading water.

If my age weren't as lofty a digit as it is I would consider a new path; if I continue to get lambasted after another year of trying that may just be what I have to do. The problem is, I don't have the slightest inkling of what that newness might be.

Vexing.

"And yet, and yet, this New Road will some day be the Old Road, too..."-- a quote I found inscribed on cobblestone in Edinburgh by Neil Monro

Sci-Finest

2008-04-07T08:40:00.008-06:00

After one year and one month my time has come: at last Battlestar Galactica has started it's new and final season last Friday. I just peed a little with excitement, like a wee dog.

I will wait for the mocking to subside before I pontificate over the shows many virtues.

Ahem

Now then. I have said on this web log before that this show is one of the best on television, but it was merely a cursory praising. I will now attempt to convince all you folks who don't watch why you should.

I recognize that there are some inherent problems that have tainted the genera of science fiction: often it is too campy and kitsch ridden. This is a very valid reason to be skeptical. Not everyone has the ability, or desire, to suspend disbelief and swallow stories that take place in the naught of space. Although I have been known to be overly apologetic to all things spacey and lasery, I will be among the first to agree that plenty of Sci-Fi is a hackneyed mess.

This series does take place in space, there are killer robots hunting humans, there is faster then light travel, there are no right angles on papers or in the ship's design, but in spite of that meaty nerd stew, the show still is an immensely compelling human drama in a post apocalyptic setting that just happens to be set in space.

Here are some reasons to put aside any sci-fi angst against the show:

There are no odd looking aliens, or aliens period.
It is a realistic lived-in future.
There are bullets in guns, not lasers.
There are no corners cut in the special effects; nothing looks campy.
The acting is amazing; Starbuck's affected laugh aside.
Watching how a civilization that is down to some odd 40,000 people from a few billion cope with trying to create normalcy and keep civil liberties, democracy, and justice intact while running for their lives.
Not one character is perfect, or are meant to be. Flaws abound.
The story is loosely based on Mormon doctrines.
The story.
It's not just for the men, two of the show's strongest characters are iron willed women.
The music.

Mostly, if my wife, hater of everything science fiction got caught up in it and looked forward to each episode, that should be reason enough to gander at the show.

So don't pigeonhole the show and gander.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Ba dum dum.

Take The Test

2008-03-17T08:32:00.003-06:00

I failed.

link to actual site (though nothing different)

I killed the cyclist.

Listen To This Album

2008-03-11T07:17:00.009-06:00

For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver

Acoustic and fine.

A taste:

Skinny Love

Flume

Mr. Arbuckle

2008-03-10T07:58:00.009-06:00

At one time I was comfortable in my knowledge that Garfield was the cat's pajama's when it came to funny. I was also comfortable in the knowledge that my large gray aviator glasses held together by electrical tape were an acceptable facial accessory. I thought Garfield's love of lasagna and hatred of Odie were dipped in chocolate it was so good. I couldn't wait until I could drive because I was sure as hell going to have Garfield sticking to one of my windows taunting other drives with his sharp teeth and snarky look in his eye.

As I grew Garfield went the way of the glasses replaced by Bill Watterson and some semblance of taste. It wasn't until I stumbled across this gem of a site that I started giggling (some just make me sad) again at Garfield. All that was needed: no Garfield.

The site's introduction explains it best: "Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb."

Watch This Movie

2008-03-04T14:36:00.013-07:00

I should have seen this movie last year when I first heard of it. If I had I would have known longer that it is a gem. I won't spoil anything by writing too much but even though the battle ground is an antiquated video game (which sold me instantly) and the gain is a mere world title it is well worth your hour and a half; video game lover or not.

Another docu-gem that I watched recently is Word Wars. The movie follows a few Scrabble folk as they compete for money (the only money most of them make in a year) and a national championship. Mostly watch it because you get to meet G.I. Joel (G.I. for gastrointestinal) the word genius dogged by acid-reflux.

You can't write this stuff.

Hey Frampton! Do You Like Toast?

2008-02-25T15:13:00.014-07:00

We have been three years now with no new Mitch to quench our dry throat. I have been trying to find replacements, but me thinks that carrying the One Ring to Mt. Doom would be an easier task. Instead, I hold an empty goblet jonsen' a quaff and am constantly denied. A few comedians have surfaced as contenders, especially Demetri Martin, yet they have all been found wanting. None, for example, have made me uncontrollably talk in their unique parlance for weeks on end unable to turn it off even for work (my apologies for those around me at the time). His jokes are nougatty goodness and when coupled with his absurd delivery, a baleful combination ensues with 100-percent chance of hilarity.

It's all about the delivery.

He inspired this very blog's feeble web address, as awkward, cumbersome, and utterly unoriginal as it is....oh how I loathe it. Alas, I am stuck with it.

A Few Unforgettables:

I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake, it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever.

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away.

People used to think I was high on stage, because people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use. Like an extreme longing for cake. Then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake. He is on bunt cake." Mothers would say to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore! He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he heard your birthday was fast approaching?

About once every three years I think about buying a yo-yo. I’ll be at the store and I’ll come upon the yo-yo section. And I’ll fantasize about mastering it to the point where it becomes a reference as to who I am. “Do you know Mitch Hedberg? Is he that guy that kicks ass on the yo-yo?” Yes I do. He is cool.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Higginson, harbinger for all things cool, I owe you x 12 and far into eternity for this introduction.

A Man's Man, Man

2008-02-20T14:04:00.010-07:00

I am not known for my manliness: not like those two there. But just perhaps the happenings that occurred one day last week will change minds.

My wife has a brilliant habit of leaving the car lights on all day and thusly needing battery jumps. This happens a few times a month so she is getting used to asking for help. Mostly a jump is all that is required, but on Friday the battery wouldn't charge. The following things happened which may surprise and awe:

I remembered to take my ratchet set and tool box
I have a ratchet set and tool box
I realized that my ratchet set was not metric and that was why nothing was fitting (Uncanny. Where that knowledge came from I can not say, but yet I knew it as if it were innate.)
I went to an auto parts store (above all this justifies the manliness of the beard on my face)
I spoke intelligently with the store employee about both the battery and the need for a 10mm ratchet piece. (you'll notice here that I don't know what the detachable pieces of the ratchet set are called, but that should hardly detract from the uber manliness of the goings on of that day)
I removed the battery and only unscrewed two bolts that didn't need to be. TWO.

Before the list can continue it must be known that while changing the battery there was a twist of fate that would add exponentially to the manly day: a deer was hit by a car on 800 North in Orem. "Orem is no place for a deer", I thought quite impressed with my knowledge of native wild life. Anyway, the guy, who was driving a Hummer 2 the ultimate--I am trying to show you through overt means how manly I am--car didn't stop. After debating what level of douche bag the Hummer owner was the following occurred:

I went into the street and looked at the deer.
My friend and I discussed moving it from the road to assist motorists in their motoring (we decided against it due to lack of gloves...blood and an eye were everywhere not to mention tics and sticky.)
We stopped traffic while a man with gloves moved what was now venison
I thought to call my wife and have her call animal control and have them come and move the dead deer off school property
I looked at the deer and it's bubble eye again.
I put the new battery in with no left over, homeless bolts
I looked at my hands and there was grease on them
I wiped the grease on my jeans
I stood triumphantly

I have earned my stripes. Sadly in days past, yesteryear even, the road to manhood happened much earlier on then a person's thirtieth year, perhaps even by half. I have never been known for my speed. I have been known for my stealth...so....

Juxtaposition

2008-02-20T10:52:00.003-07:00

A few gems I stumbled upon while inspecting a home. You may think that these photos were staged. If you think this you are wrong.

O Provo.

Death Be Not Proud

2008-02-06T17:20:00.000-07:00

Though I believe in a post life existence, death is still a dull knife that cuts deep, leaving many regrets and blank, unrecognizable feelings. Solace is offered in a belief that death's embrace is feigned and has no lasting sting; that death died long ago via a willing sacrifice.

So, here's to the day when death died; but mostly here's to my grandpa Robert Zufelt: he bested a broken back, a world war, and raising Jack. He lived happily with my grandmother for 66 years.

Divulgence III

2008-01-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

I turn 30 this year. (That's not the divulgence merely a necessary variable in the divulgence equation.) For Christmas all I wanted was a toy. However, it is an above average toy with more layers of awesome then a really ripe and perfect awesome onion, but a toy nevertheless.

In Idaho I was asked the utterly nonabrasive question concerning what perchance my Christmas wish was. At that instance the large rectangular table where I was sat seemed to pivot placing me at it's head while the long sides tapered off into the deep distance. As the table twisted the lights dimmed and at the same moment a beam of hot light was turned on shining it's heavy white down on my head, the many chairs filled with curious faces swiveled in my direction.

I had two choices: tell the truth or not. I should have chose not for after my divulgence there was a sharp silence that pierced my ears only broken by a cricket and it's obsequious chirp. After a moment that lasted a year my wife, who by the definition of wife should be supportive said this: "I know, and he's almost 30". At that point someone coughed and the conversation took a quick left turn to something far less geek ridden. (That situation was probably only that dramatic in my head. )

This is what I asked for and what my secretly supportive wife (she did buy it after all but rolled her eyes during the process...what a great lady) gifted me:

He is about 16 inches tall, is equipped with infrared location sensors and sonar navigational technology to find his way about. He also recognizes commands such as: come here (he uses the infrared to find the closest heat signature). He will react differently when asked about certain Star Wars characters. When asked to "play a message" you will hear Princess Leia's voice asking for Obi-Wan's help. He has a retractable arm that will hold and carry my soda. He will stand by a door and sound an alarm when he detects movement. He will patrol a room until he finds someone to tell him something to do. He plays games like 'spin the droid' or 'hide and go seek'. He dances while playing music from the original trilogy. He can be turned off making him the best pet/child ever. I am well pleased.

Sigh. Oh me.

2007: In Memoriam

2008-01-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

EDIT: The mega uber list of all 2007 music lists can be found here: 2007 Music Blog Zeitgeist; compiled with science by The Hype Machine.

Lest any reader think I have forsaken the blogging art, be calm; I merely needed respite for a time.

The year of our Lord two thousand and seven was home to a menagerie of highs and an implosion of lows. I will attempt to quantify the years peaks and valleys in list form.

Lows:
- I am fatter then ever
- I read less this year (as seen from the shockingly short Books section below)
- I have lived my last year of my twenties
- Another National Treasure was released
- Another year passed not doing what I want for a living
- Stress. Stress of not knowing if I am actually going to get into grad schools, stress of the embarrassment if I don't, stress of paying off debt, et al.
- I don't own an iPhone
Highs:
- Music: (Most but not all came out this year while some were discovered this year; same diff.) (also, I tried to find links to most the songs, some are only videos, and some I couldn't find at all...enjoy)
  - Radiohead's In Rainbows ALL OF IT (take a gander at Weird Fishes/Arpeggi)
  - Andrew Bird's Armchair Apocrypha ALL OF IT (listen to Sythian Empire)
  - Arcade Fire's Neon Bible (listen to Intervention)
  - Welcome Home -- by Radical Face (too good...favorite song of '07)
  - Fake Empires -- by The National
  - The Nest -- Jose Gonzalez
  - That Summer, at Home I Had Become the Invisible Boy -- by The Twilight Sad
  - Hljomalind -- by Sigur Ros
  - 23 -- by Blonde Redhead
  - Lost to the Lonesome -- by Pela
  - Wet and Rusting -- by Menomena
  - Sleepwalking -- by 120 Days
  - Iron and Wine's -- Shepherd's Dog (listen to Boy with a Coin)
  - Now, Now -- by St. Vincent
  - This is the Thing -- by Fink
  - Seahorse -- by Devendra Banhart
  - Loves a Sinner -- by David Poe with Duncan Sheik
  - So High, So Low -- by Maps
  - Tom Waits' Orphans, Brawlers, Bawlers, & Bastards (listen to Road to Peace)
  - Huzzah -- by Witch's Hat
  - Silently -- by Blonde Redhead
  - Slow -- by The Wheel
  - Savannah Smiles by Okkervil River
  - Knife -- by Grizzly Bear
  - Wolves -- by Phosphorescent
  - Everywhere -- by Bears
  - Vitamin C -- by Can
  - Devils & Dust -- Bruce Springsteen
  - Horse Feather's Words are Dead (listen to Hardwood Pews)
  - Sandstorms -- by Viking Moses
  - Lubbock Love Song -- by Sleepy Horses
  - Sinister in a State of Hope -- by Loney, Dear
  - Scenic World -- by Beirut
  - Diamond Dancer -- Bill Callahan
  - Double Dolphins on the Nickel -- by Mice Parade
  - Panda -- by Dungen
  - The Four Horsemen -- by Aphrodite's Child
  - Piddlebach -- by Grifters
  - Nothin' -- by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant (since i couldn't find this song listen to another good song off the album: Please Read the Letter
  - Deep Red Bells -- by Neko Case
  - Did You See the Words? -- by Animal Collective
  - Philip Glass' Metamorphosis piano movements (movement 2)
  - Falling Slowly -- by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
- Movies:
  - No Country for Old Men -- Too good. It was all I thought about for many days.
  - The Darjeeling Limited
  - There Will Be Blood -- Daniel D. creates a mesmorisingly deplorable character that is so captivating in his terror it keeps you rooting for his success while hating everything about him. Coupled with an equally eerie score by Jonny Greenwood (of Radiohead fame), this film will not be topped soon.
  - Juno -- Micheal Cera is the king of all geekdom.
  - Once -- A modern musical where the songs are not arbitrary but woven seamlessly into the movie. Beautiful.
  - 3:10 to Yuma -- Aside from Daniel Day-Lewis, Christian Bale is only bested in this movie by his role in:
  - Rescue Dawn
  - 300
  - Superbad
  - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
  - Zodiac
  - Into the Wild
  - Sweeny Todd (I haven't seen it but, honestly, how could it be bad?)
  - Eastern Promises
  - The Bourne Ultimatum
- Books:
  - The Road by Cormack McCarthy (thanks Joe)
  - What is the What by Dave Eggars
  - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
  - East of Eden by John Steinbeck
  - Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
  - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig
  - Dune by Frank Herbert
  - A reread of Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
  - A reread of Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
  - Devil in the White City by Erik Larson
Miscellaneous Highs:
- Year two of marriage to my eternal butt-head
- Finally perusing a career path
- Halo 3
- Beating Halo 3 on Legendary in one sitting with Dan (12 hours)
- Guitar Hero 3
- My scooter
- Beating call of Duty 4...the best ending to a video game I have played.
- My voice activated, sonar guiding, infrared wielding R2D2 robot gifted to me for Christmas.
- My retro immersion into music older then 1990. I have always loved the Beatles, but was a virgin when it came to the glory of the Kinks, Led Zeppelin, or some of the Rolling Stones and others. It has been a grand journey.
- Watching three seasons of Battlestar Galactica with my wife. She is quickly slipping into a pair of well-fitted nerd shoes. However, that it is set in space shouldn't deter from perspective viewing. It is a gripping post-apocalyptic tale of a civilization on the run. Human drama abounds.
- Going from two cars to one. Much money saved, only minor inconveniences. Well worth it.

to add to this media frenzy here is one of my favorite music videos and songs of last year:

RJD2 -- Work It Out

Something I Hate...19...and Final.

2007-12-17T11:20:00.001-07:00

I hate the idea that balloons are still considered a commercial draw, even though you're an adult.

Case in point, the car dealership. Never in my live have I seen a 30-foot gorilla in a business suit and thought: "Man, I need to buy a car". I have thought: "Man, that would be cooler if it were fighting a balloon dinosaur in a Santa costume". And please, don't even remind me of the zany dancing balloons that look like they're getting tortured.

Alright, I know there has been a hiatus and that the original plan was one 'hate' a day until Christmas. However, I hate when an idea has run it's course and yet still doesn't stop. Like '24', the formula is dead, we don't need it any longer yet here comes a new season. Though I had a fun time hating, the idea of posting every day became bleak and more like a chore. I hate chores.

In another note...I lent someone my season one of Arrested Development and I don't remember to whom. If you're the lucky person, you have bested me and either you win a free set of digital video disks with the entire first season of a fine show, or you can return them and win my smile.

Something I hate...18

2007-12-12T21:16:00.001-07:00

I hate that these toys were never actually made:

Something I Hate...17

2007-12-11T20:49:00.001-07:00

I hate conversations that take place in person but over great distances and in public places.

College campuses are the worst place for this.

Something I Hate...16

2007-12-09T19:32:00.001-07:00

I hate when people say: git-r-done.

It is offensive to my sense of propriety, taste, and humor. It wasn't funny when the original comic coined the phrase, and it isn't funny or appropriate in daily situations...especially at work.

You: "Hey I am going to go _______" (whatever it is you do).
Other: "Nice. Git-r-done". (said with a southern accent though he/she isn't from the south)
You: *cringe*

Something I Hate...15

2007-12-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

I hate that laser is spelled with an 's' and not a 'z'.

Laser beam, one of the great English word combinations and it is cheapened by the laser's inability to execute full onomatopoeia status.

Science has really let us down.

Something I Hate...14

2007-12-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

I hate the personalized vanity license plate.

If I wanted to be playing Mad Gab whilst on the road I would have bought the pocket version. Somehow this became the champion expressive outlet for those who want all to know they love tulips. Or, while driving a VW Bug with a VW logo, they feel the sharp craving for redundancy and exclaim, in an odd spelling, that they are driving...wait for it...a VW Bug.

It is this kind of social activism that makes this so very country great.

Something I Hate...13

2007-12-06T18:59:00.001-07:00

I hate running into an old acquaintance at the grocery store.

You see them and exchange salutations, awkward interruptions as you both try to ask how the other is doing simultaneously, and miserable silences followed by cricket noises and an abrupt parting of ways. You then re-see them and then re-see them and then try to skip an aisle to not re-see them only to see them because they thought of the same 'uncomfortable avoidance trick' as you, and you both feel thwarted and forced, once again, to laugh uncomfortably at the serendipitous meeting, and to say: "See ya later". Which, of course, you will down aisle 12.

The aisle is your bane; it, at once, offers you substance for a price and impedes your getaway.

Something I hate...12

2007-12-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

I hate these:

Well, Jesus is always with us...

Something I Hate...11

2007-12-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

I hate the face people make whilst trying not to show they are yawning.

I could find no documented evidence to demonstrate what this looks like, but it is real and ungodly. I saw it on a man I admired greatly; he studied at Oxford, understood the thoughts of Søren Kierkegaard, David Hume, Immanuel Kant, and other great minds with the greatest of ease, he admired Steely Dan, he would eschew responsibility for a time to read Walden as a boy, but even he looked foolish trying to conceal his yawn during a particularly horrid oral report on ethics.

I know you have all seen it. The face contorts to a aberrant look with nostrils at full flare red from the strain, eyes watering but not spilling over while the eyelids struggle, blinking at almost Mach speed in attempts to stay open. The mouth, oh the poor mouth, it's stretched like a piece of plastic wrap over too many left-overs trying beyond hope to keep the black of the cavern behind from seeing light.

Of course this is an exercise in futility. You're not really fooling anyone as you sit in that boring meeting and your boss is looking right at you when you feel the desire to yawn hit. "Mustn't let mouth open...must fight urge...must prevail above desire for more oxygen...". Silly.

It begs the question: What is worse, a yawn, or the freakish face made while trying to masquerade that you're not yawning?

Something I Hate...10

2007-12-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

I hate beaded doorways.

Unless you're trying to ninja proof a room, make traversing through your home a gauntlet of tentacles that leech onto any loose part of clothing and cling there forcing you to abruptly stop mid stride, or a hippie, these are utterly pointless.

There is no normal walk that will get you through one either. A body coming through these beads is forced to duck down and plow through head first, which is reminiscent of the birthing process; no one I know wants to see a grown man be born through a bead womb. And, good luck if you have your hands full. Walking into a room ass first, I am sure in some in cultures is acceptable, but that isn't a nicety that I know of. Seeing a butt, no matter how large or skinny it is, breach through the beads first like the back of two parallel whales breaking the water's surface, is uncouth.

Something I Hate...9

2007-12-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

I hate hearing Beatles songs on commercials.

Not that I think that it really wasn't the intention of McCartney and Lennon to write jingles, and that Hello, Goodbye -- or Hello, Goodbuy --really is meant to help sell Target's excellent selection of, well, everything, but it has gotten to be gross. Damn you Michael Jackson.

"If it's allowed to happen, every Beatles song ever recorded is going to be advertising women's underwear and sausages. We've got to put a stop to it in order to set a precedent. Otherwise it's going to be a free-for-all. It's one thing you're dead, but we're still around! They don't have any respect for the fact that we wrote and recorded those songs, and it was our lives." -George Harrison November 1987

Something I Hate...8

2007-12-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I hate the 1994 song Jesse by Joshua Kadison.

She asks me how the cat's been. I say, "Moses he's just fine
but he used to think about you all the time.
We finally took your pictures down off the wall.
Oh, Jessie, how do you always seem to know just when to call?"
She says, "Get your stuff together. Bring Moses and drive real fast."
And I listen to her promise, "I swear to God this time it's gonna last."

With lyrics that poignant, nothing more need be said.

Something I Hate...7

2007-11-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

I hate people who make music from trash.

Seriously, it's enough to put me off ever throwing anything away...ever. I would please like some assurances from my local government that the next time I toss an old frying pan in the garbage, it's not going to turn up on stage a month later being used as a high-hat by some smelly weirdo in a sleeveless top.

Because it's always a sleeveless shirts with these people.

Something I Hate...6

2007-11-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

I hate the Euro Jean.

I mean good grief pal, I know we're all (mostly the new, fatter, me) struggling to find decent jeans at the moment, with the whole skinny-fit thing, but, ask yourself are they really the best you could do? Do these even qualify a decent pair? Do you really feel they are appropriate attire for any occasion that involves going outside of your flat?

Euro jeans, these in particular, embody all that is wrong, and all that can be wrong, about a set of trousers: stonewashed, covered in pockets, slightly tapered, missing only zippers in inappropriate places to make them truly horrid. These jeans are so monumentally disparaging they provide the clearest evidence this theist has seen of a perhaps godless and infinitely cruel universe.

Perhaps a mantra for the EU could be: Stonewashed combat jeans, unless the desired affect is looking like a rogue soldier lost in society since he left the urban war set in the fashionless 80's, are not okay.

Something I Hate...5

2007-11-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

Rollerblading. I hate it.

I hate absolutely everything about it. Let us sit together and garner what is sacrificed by those who dare to don blades that roll.

Grace: gone
Dignity: so very gone
Grandeur: retired
Feasibility of negotiating terrain in mild to strong wind: vanished
Bragability that you look good in spandex: squandered
Remembrance that fanny packs are not a good idea: dissolved
Time spent looking cool: lost
Deniability that you long for the 90's: dead
Thinking fun can be had sans knee/elbow pads: gonzo

To think there are professionals of something so ludicrous outside a circus is the bitterest pill of them all.

Something I Hate...4

2007-11-27T15:17:00.001-07:00

I hate audience participation.

Trust me, I am not a mighty man, but may God help you if you are between me and the door when a speaker starts walking my way to try and make me to participate in any way; I will bite your face. I don't care one whit who you are -- Ghandi, Megatron, The Queen, Prince Charming -- if you come at me with that microphone and try to drag me up on stage, I'll drop you. I will honestly scratch a small child's eyes out before I get up on that stage to dance the Macarena or play charades.

And Mr. Speaker-man, don't even think about trying to manipulate me with the whole "Come on ladies and gentlemen, give him a bit of encouragement" malarkey, I will end you.

Something I Hate...3

2007-11-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

I hate the R&Beard. I am referring to those sliver thin laser beards favored by the modern singer of soul; I'm telling you there isn't an bona fide manly beard in the genera.

The subliminal message of the R&Beard: "I am a man of vast and independent wealth and massive means (wink wink). Unlike regular people with normal beards, I don't need to work a nine-to-fiver. Thusly, I am able to devote inordinate amounts of time to face maintenance; specifically the molding and etching of these exquisite fancy whiskers. Ladies, if you are impressed with my skills with a pair of electric clippers, be prepared to have your world shaken to it's core."

Something I Hate...2

2007-11-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

I hate that for some reason, Tim Allen is Hollywood's go to guy for Christmas movies. I know that in his trilogy of kitsch he replaced Santa, but why must Hollywood try to bring this to fruition in real life? Why must Tim and Christmas become inexorably linked?

Arnold did only one. Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, they both knew to draw the line at one as well. Ben Affleck, tinsel town's main choice for all movies that suck, had enough sense to only do one. BEN AFFLECK.

I guess that if Christmas with the Cranks had never been made then I wouldn't really have as much enmity; but couple the camp of John Grisham with seeing Tim Allen talking holiday...lethal.

Something I Hate...1

2007-11-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

This idea is not so much inspired by, or in response to my cute wife's desire to post something she is grateful for everyday this month. It is mostly because this holiday season is often the equivalent to the miniature dog with the high-pitched bark that won't realize that I am a friend and stop barking and running around ignoring it's owner that I have decided to hate something daily until Christmas. Granted it is more than a month away, but let's see if I have enough rancor in me to spread.

Hated item 1:

The perceived sexiness of the saxophone.

I don't know how the idea was started or how it spread, but it almost entangled me in it's nasty web of deceit. I almost joined the band in my impressionable middle school years to play this instrument in attempts to counteract the massive amounts of lame that would follow me around like an angry doldrum raining only on me. It fills me with much anger/annoyance that somewhere a committee, without me on it, made the executive decision to make the saxophone the sexy music instrument; there should have been at least one dissenting vote on the record.

the myth:

the truth:

Friends of Our Souls

2007-11-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I am boring, but I don't visit mystical realms as much as I used to. If I did this auspicious site would be my mecca. If you decide to see what I mean and be transported to a magical realm via a sprite drawn carriage to a tea party in Centaur Groves to discuss Unicorn Dreams, be sure to scroll down and visit each site dedicated to our favorite fantastical friends.

Favorite quote thus far: Besides their alarm "sneeze," unicorns have a variety of other calls or signals that they use for communication.

My favorite activity the site offers. Oodles of nougat filled bliss.

My Obsequious Manner Towards False Gods

2007-11-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have a highly addictive personality...woe to me. Every once and a while this ugly addiction troll rears it's bestial mug and I am a goner; gone gone. The current smack in charge of my days and nights: Halo 3. My poor wife is in deep hate with my love affair with this game and I can't blame her. I have very adult things that need to take place in my immediate future that currently lay injured and dehydrated against the curb as I continue in my vain quest to slay as many as possible. I am weak. It doesn't help that I have friends, or enablers, that link up with me via the internet with and we join forces like unto Voltron to save the universe together. Ahhh, good times.

I need to grow the hell up..............well.....I need to find a happy mean.

And as though the Gods of Gaming weren't demanding enough of a sacrifice, they just released Guitar Hero III. Damn them. Now I must bow before the Gods of Rawk as well, and they are a far crueler master. The enabler in this instance is the set list. It has been populated with far more fine tuneage then the previous games. A smattering of some favorites:

Paint It, Black – The Rolling Stones
The Seeker – The Who
Paranoid – Black Sabbath
My Name Is Jonas – Weezer
Even Flow – Pearl Jam
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N' Roses
The Number of the Beast – Iron Maiden
One – Metallica
Reptilia – The Strokes
Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll – Blue Öyster Cult

Give me strength fair friends. I need it. I can't imagine what would happen if I ever owned a Wii.

Game Over.

All Hallows Eve

2007-10-31T07:45:00.000-06:00

Today I traded my old XBOX for a new fly rod and reel. No trick. All treat. So beware fishies in some part of eastern Idaho to be designated later by Joe...you will soon caught, looked at, admired, photographed, smiled upon, dehooked, set free, and alive -- but late for something. I am coming like Ichabod's bane.

This has nothing to do with Halloween.

Trumpet Lasers

2007-10-25T17:12:00.001-06:00

At long last, finally something that makes Lucas' bastardizations to the original trilogy seem less horrific.

Enjoy this until I think of something more interesting to say.

Divulgence II

2007-10-22T18:32:00.000-06:00

I have seen Robin Hood Prince of Thieves far far far more than any other movie. Unfortunately this is true. I wish I could say that something less ambiguously gay (totally gay, actually) holds the top spot, but at this juncture I would need to watch Empire Strikes Back a few dozen more times. Though I love film V, I just don't know if I have the mustard. The Prince of Theives number is that powerful and all encompassing.

Aside from cold sores, this fact is the most embarrassing product of a misspent youth.

"To the trees!"

Man-Boy

2007-10-19T17:54:00.000-06:00

Being an adult is hard. I am very lazy.

Change is hard. Again, I am very lazy.

Crap.

Shuffle

2007-10-09T13:13:00.000-06:00

I hit 'shuffle songs' on my iPod today. These are the first few gems it spat back at me:

Carry That Weight -- The Beatles
Ecstasy -- Rusted Root
1% of Monster -- Mogwai
We've Been Had -- The Walkmen
Measuring Cups -- Andrew Bird
Jezebel -- Iron & Wine
Kid A -- Radiohead
Feel It Now -- Black Rebel Motorcycle Group
Paint It Black -- The Rolling Stones
Place To Be -- Nick Drake
Put You down -- Alice In Chains
Everybody Wants To Rule the World -- Tears for Fears
Dinner Bell -- They Might Be Giants
Going to California -- Led Zeppelin
Of Herbs and Rabbit Stew -- J.R.R. Tolkien
Blessed Persistence -- 16 Horsepower
Bittersweet -- Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Dissident -- Pearl Jam
Just Like You Imagined -- Nine Inch Nails
Mitch in the S'th -- Mitch Hedberg
Missile -- Blonde Redhead

I recommend trying this. Many songs have found a home on my iPod. However, far more have been as neglected as my laundry. Sad. Some songs have even found the hipster white encasing to be their coffin slowly suffocating them into an almost nonexistence. They lay there, buried alive in the massive 60GB of space, waiting to be unearthed. I have found if you personify something, it is harder to treat the thing like a mere thing. Hence the periodic shuffling of songs. I try to give over-played songs a breather, a well deserved respite from the daily grind. I try to bench my starters (I have no business using a sports analogy) and put in my second string. I feel that I am perhaps fulfilling the dreams of little songs who are sleeping in cobwebs and dust waiting for their time to bring da noise and perhaps, if they are ready, da funk.

Dichotomy

2007-09-27T14:54:00.000-06:00

No One Wants To Play Sega with Harrison Ford" by Brandon Bird

I prefer:

Coke over Pepsi
Star Wars over Star Trek
school over work
XBOX over Playstation
movies over TV
scooter over car
beards as an unassuming facial accessory over beards as a piety meter
fishing over swimming
rivers and lakes over the ocean
Colorado over the other 49
train over plane
orange juice over other juice
Letterman over Leno
Conan O. over both
Ninjas over Samurai
hands over feet
René Magritte over Salvador Dali
soccer over football
futbol over soccer
running over stationary bike
weighing 170 lbs over weighing 190
iPod over Zune
unicorns over horses
St. Vitus Cathedral over Notre Dame
James Frey over Oprah
freckles over moles
argyle over plaid
old Shins over new Shins
money clips over wallets
salsa over guacamole
nerd over geek
high-five over low-five
"okay" hand signal over thumbs up
Lord of the Rings over Narnia
casual over business casual
Apple over PC
sitting over standing
The Beatles over all
function over form
stepping in poop with deep treaded boots over southern California
Valerie over James
art deco over art nouveau
walkie-talkies over cell phones
four seasons over two
old friends over new people

ad nauseum

Luthier

2007-09-20T10:45:00.000-06:00

Blindfolded, you may not be able to tell. I don't think I could. Make no mistake however, just because I am no expert at discerning acoustic guitars sans sight does it mean that I don't have strong feelings about the subject. Let it be known that I appreciate a fine guitar, no matter it’s creator. In this case the creators being either Martin or Taylor. That being said, if the head stock isn't crested with CF Martin 1833 insignia then I say pass. Pass. Pass. Pass.

This may be what a man named G called an irrational loyalty. That holds a high probability. But, while both makers create instruments that sing as though strummed by winged cherubim, I still have a difficulty considering Taylors in the same league. It is Martin's artistry that teeters the scale. Their innovations to the craft: x-bracing, 14-fret finger boards, and the dreadnought body style, are used by all steel stringed acoustic luthiers. This places these other craftsmen inexorably linked to Martin like modern Christianity is to Catholicism. Also, each Martin instrument is hand crafted. Taylor uses computers and lasers to cut each instrument. Each Taylor is perfect for it. However, the flaws intrinsic with all things hand made appeal to my common folk sensibilities and offer a feeling individuality, of owning a unique instrument. Which is why my money and heart belong to C.F. and crew.

It may be irrational. Martin was my first guitar so perhaps the allegiance I feel to them can be traced to that. Yet, I had the choice then and chose hand made.

Twist & Shout

2007-09-04T15:00:00.001-06:00

This post is teems with spoilers. Reader beware.

I mean no conceit but pulling a fast one on me via film is a bit tricky. I am rarely surprised. When I am, it is a welcomed and fun occasion. This is one reason I despise spoilers. You are never able to go back to the purity of not knowing what happens. That initial shock when a movie twists right from underneath you and lands you on your head is a once in a life time occurrence. Then the magic is gone and it will never be viewed again with untainted eyes. No matter how enjoyable subsequent views are, that knowledge has affected you ever after. I can only imagine, for example, what it was like to hear for the first time in the theater that Luke is Vadar’s son. Jaws agape. Eyes bugged. Minds boggled, only able to comprehend an expletive phrase deifying poop. Priceless. This is why also I appreciate movies that are able to pull the proverbial wool over my eyes and then slap my face with it at the end. I have thusly complied a list of my favorite movies with a twist. I am sure I will miss many.

Planet of the Apes.
The planet is Earth. I still don't get it. I never saw it coming....even a little.

Prestige.
I actually figured this one out, but not completely. A beautiful movie. The revelation that Bale's character has been a twin the whole time is genius. The biggest clue was when he told us how it was being done but in reference to the Chinese man's "Goldfish Trick": he lives his whole life that way. Stellar.

Sixth Sense.
Trixy. Well crafted and brilliant. The wife never really talks to him. He is in the same clothes the whole time. Subtle and trixy. Watching for the clues the second time through was almost as fun as watching it for the first time.

Usual Suspects.
Brilliant. The story woven from items seen in the room. Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze. That, coupled with the line: "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist." makes this one of the greats.

Fight Club.
The clues are there and obvious (obviously) the second time through, but sweet cheetah did this one toss me. Well played all involved, Chuck in particular.

Empire Strikes Back.
Sadly like most people, I grew up knowing this. If I were gifted three wishes I would waste one to go back and have been there in 1980 to witness and feel the shock of it all. (I was there, but at two I only remember being scared at the abominable snow creature.) It is the best movie twist ending, period.

Dreams Do Come True

2007-09-03T15:53:00.000-06:00

The sweet fruits of perseverance:

A Smattering of Nerd

2007-08-27T21:01:00.000-06:00

CHOMP???

Handy. (*snicker*)

Patchouli?

Why Prozac should come in a kryptonite gelcap.

The crossing of Gillilllll's universe and mine.

Shake Up Your Bones

2007-08-23T16:30:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling pangs of nostalgia recently, your patience is requested. Not too long ago, the only music that mattered in my world was generated solely from a Martin guitar owned by a South African. Now he plays a Taylor and I haven’t really listened to him in quite a while. But still, there are times when I crave an hour or two where Under the Table and Dreaming, Live at Luther College, or Crash is playing. Lie in our Graves is still, and will ever be, a pantheon of quality.

Like a genealogical tree, all of my current preferences can be traced back to the popular sounds of Dave Matthews. He held my cochleas in a vice grip, nearly nothing could penetrate the Acoustic Curtain he had established there. It took Sam Beam and The Shins' New Slang (2002: the anteBraffian era) to bring the wall a-tumbling-down, showing me there was more offered...much more. But still, remains of the wall are evident and acoustic guitar based music is inextricably in my blood. His intimate, stripped down sessions featuring two Martins and either Tim Reynolds or Trey Anastasio will always be lauded and welcomed.

I owe the man more than hours of listening enjoyment, it was his excellent chord progressions (Crush, Tripping Billies, the Stone), singular strumming patterns (Two Step, Rapunzel, Satellite), and poetic lyrics (Christmas Song, Cry Freedom, Pig) that were the primary reasons I strove to learn to play the guitar.

So though his silvery sound doesn't frequent my speakers like it used to, I will always remember two things: Dave is a hell of a musician and I am grateful for it. Hats off to the maestro.